sentosa's beach patrol team.

at sentosa's beach patrol, one gets to meet people from many walks of life. here, we've got lawyers, insurance agents, engineers, doctors etc....not forgetting the students too.

being not quite much of a junior no more, i reflect and see myself change more than i thought i would have. the jin then, back in january 6 2006 was very much fair and chubbier. not to mention, i was more childish, immature and perhaps made decisions rashly.

the jin almost a year later is more a grow lady, althought many perhaps might beg to differ. (i'm sure the guys would understand. haha.) now i think twice and i actually think for the future of what would happen. suddenlt it all seems to be that what i do would affect me in every way that is possible.

what more, i see myself talking for sense and indulging in conversations that actually seem to mean more than it should have been. it benefits me and i like the way it all falls into place now.

my perception of many things have changed and at times, i feel like an older sister to the new birds but no matter what, i would still feel like the baby of them all. i smile to myself at what i have achieved within a period that i would call short.

people change. i have and mpst of you have. many come and then go but i don't forget. maybe i don't show or speak but you guys have all benefited me in oen way or another. too many too mention, too many to thank individually. but i love you guys, i may seem like a pushover, one who you guys can joke overboard and still i won't mind but i guess things change and i've grown a whole lot more. i wish you'd give me respect a woman should get at times. i mean i want the fun and closeness still but at the right times.

thank you team sentosa for teaching me to grow.

music: the fray: how to save a life

cooling off already, i can finally think straight and look at the prettier images. they say rainy days will go and the sun will come. i'd say how a person decides to behave and act counts for how one feels too.

listening to the fray sounds oh so inspirational suddenly. it makes me think of my job, and how else to cherish what i've got now.

people make mistakes, it scars and it tears but no one was ever taught to be perfect. crying and stressing don't help and we all know it too well but why, why do we still do it? is it because of the way we want people to judge us? like we are pitiful and all we really need is a shoulder to lie on and a good tight hug.

people say look around when in times of trouble and in doubt and it's then where you realise friends matter. i agree.

to the person, you know who you are, i've let you down and i want to say i'm sorry love. thank you for making me who i am today. you make me whole, really.

Professional Profiling.

just yesterday, i had my PP presentation. it was really easy peasy and i had thought it had all went pretty well for me. as usual, clive was teasing me on and on about my poster and my dressing, in which he was happy that i came in heels. laura on the other hand was again, contridicting herself by firstly daying that i looked good in what i was wearing because it brough out my body shape but then she could see my flesh around my hip. i mean what did she expect me to do eh? it really was the tshirt's fault you know. anyways, i was happy with my performance and so was my supervisor. she had shook my hand at the very end and said " great job, im very impress.". with that, she had decided that she wanted to keep my poster. yay! that had meant that i could go off empty handed. just so you know, i had woke earlier that morning thinking that i had missed my insanely scheduled presentation which was the at 930am...not only was it the earliest slot but also the first day amongst SHL. in conclusion, i'd just like to say that "WHOOHOO!!! PP is finally over!!!" i cant tell you how proud i am of myself that i did everything from scratch. then again, shit, the results arent out yet. sigh! im dreaming a lil' too much.







i had headed down to marina after my presentation alone. clad in my black jeans, white tshirt, red belt and black heels, people had prolly thought that i was some worker from giordano or something. so there i was, walking around with my ipod blasting and suddenly this guys came running up to me and asking me if i were interested to be sports model. i decided that 'hmm..this is interesting" and gave him a few minutes of my time. so there he was going on and on about his company and showing me works that he had done before. i mean i was kinda bored out by that but i was interested to see how i would be like if i were a model. heh. in the end, i rejected his offer because he had insisted on a reply at that very instant when i said i had to talk to my parents. i see no rush la. eww..scully he wanna cheat my money only, considering the fact that he had said that i needed to pay a sum to make a profile or something. i really dont wanna be a dumb blonde ya know.

hello baby, i love you.

friday! i woke late at home for school. i strolled in at 9am but thank goodness jasmine had texted me earlier about the relieft faci that had taken over today. OMG. he was like so fierce looking but really, i couldn't be bothered. aarrgghh!! he was so irritating, ranting on and on like a broken tape recorder. i secretly thinks that he feels that he thinks that rp's system is so screwed up and all the students are dumb. he was talking to us like it was the first day we were born. god! we are way smarter than you think la. -> insert rolling of eyes here

anyway, i was retardedly trying to figure a way to edit my synopsis of my PP in samantha's class after school today. HAHA! i can't believe that i am done with PP...okok..at least for the report. honestly, it was easy, just that people like me with itchy backside who can't sit still and get distracted easily, would take a longer time to complete. but once i got the hang of it, it came flowing out of my finger tips and guess what i had't had to copy and paste at all. i typed it down with my own words! i'm like so proud of that fact ok. oh shit, it just hit me that i had badly wanted to include pictures in my report but i so forgot. dang! ok great, the dateline's over so heck! whatever la, i'm still proud of meself cos i did it all on my own. i got the details on me own and typed it all myself. my supervisor had made me edit twice but BUT, the first time was cos' she hadn't read my report yet. the second time around, it was just one section that i had to clarify. WWHEEEEeeee!!! POSTER HERE I COME :)

aiyaaa..it's 2:58AM and im awake still. in a couple of hours, i've got coaching and then to sentosa for work. i secretly i was a rich kid sometimes who feeds of my parents all the time. aarrgghh!

hello baby, i love the way i held you so close tonight :) lazing around with you always feels different and happy.

this is like one of my favourite pictures of my face. here, you can see why i have a loud personality. now you can't blame me, can you?

and here, you can see why people say i am lame. i can't help it if i was like that right? it's just me.my baby so hot that i fainted in the background."ohh ohh baby wrap me in all your love, you're the oxygen that i breathe~"so hot that i'm speechless.

hello love.here we go again...moral of the story? daddy should buy my a ibook for xmas :)

hey dawn, i was suppose to meet you but i couldn't babsey. me bad. i miss you and shit! now i can't mock you that your 'A' levels are so over. dang!

music: britney spears: why should i be sad?

i caught bratz with samantha after school today. i guess it's the kind of show that i would like to watch once in a while just for fun to perhaps pick up some bimbotic acts. heh. maybe maybe. anyways, i would rate it 3/5 popcorns. the movies really taught about how one should treausre and maintain friendships.

anyways, i've been gone for ages that people who actually frquent this blog of mine, prolly i died or something. haha.

so much has happened, i really haven't got a clue as to where to begin. crap. right i shall just start by announcing rather proudly that i actually bought the new britney spears album, 'blackout'. it's really nice, catchy. tunning in, it actually reminds me of my younger days when i was still a big fan of hers. i really wonder what happened to her. shheesshh...

you know looking back at my life, i think i've really found happiness at where i am today. perhaps what people say of dating a girl is so god damn much different is so freaking true. narene cares and loves me like no other. i mean, yea, it feels different and each time i think about it all, it sends a tingle down my spine and i can't help but smile retardedly. baby you should know by now how much i love you :)

hello there life,i've got my arms wide open and i wanna live you till the end of time. back then, each time you all get angry, i cried like a stupid fool. i gave in most of the time and now i feel like stabbing myself for doing all that. didn't i care for myself then? when did i let you do teh things you do? i hate you all is too strong a word i guess, because i don't. i just wanna say that it's over and i really want and have moved on. i'm not the girl that i used to be ok?

aquatic ig got 'the ban' by wilson today. dang, stupid rule of his says that sportsmen don't wear slippers. OMG, like someone knock sense intohis brain can!!?? so why do sports brand produce slippers still huh? arrgghh...but i don't really care. i still swam, openly displaying my sexy worn out red haivanas on tuesday. geezz...

that reminds me, i've got to go finish up my editing of my PP now, like now. then. i would turn in. no baby tonight to snuggle up to. no ruff.

this was yesterday after school in the canteen, where jasmine had claimed that she was hungry and she merely ate half a cheese hotdog.

and here you have ken and i trying to actually take a decent shot by the photographer was just bad. (HAHA, JASMINE :))
this is just me and only me with what seems like a coke can but NO! it's potato chips! today, my lips swelled and i don't know why. i swear i was ugly.

i never had such lovin'

hello baby, i love you.



"if one never tries, one will never know."

"come what may."



i believe so in these two phrases. i am happy with you. ever so happy. i can't explain this love. it's different, it's breath takingly sweet.



ups and downs we had like on a rollercoaster, but we pulled through understanding each other better. actions speaks a thousand words, and we believe so much.



everything you do has the special love ingredient in it baby. i've never felt like this before.



remember how i always feel like im so outta your league? i still do a lil' but i'm getting a hang of it all. i like your friends. i really do. they treat me nice.

dedicated to you, yes you peeps.

samantha.
you have been rocking my life since the first time we became so close. you give me sound advices and have always been there for me. this is what a friend should be.

dawn.
you've been busy and yes i do understand. nevertheless, you always make it a point to bug me and update yourself. we drift now and then but it all sums up when we meet. i love how after so long, you still accept me for just me.

rachelle.
you fierce woman. you always wake me up from reality hard.

samuel teo.
you are a good listener and you shower me with care and love. i'll be here for you too yea? we'll always have a bond in us :)

beach patrol officers.
i see many of you just on weekends, but you have made me see so much more to life. the ugly and the pretty. i really grew up in sentosa...a lot.

rp lifesaving mates.
laughters and more to come. you people are there to keep me smiling always.

mathew.
you still give me that sugary rush. maybe, someday we'll know.

jesse.
your ignorance makes me so pure at times.

narene.
you make me trust again. im taking this one chance and giving it to you.





thank you so much for just being there.

the lil' raindrops from my eyes.

a picture speaks a thousands words, so what makes words? growing up feels weird enough, i guess people's expections change too. there are days where i ought to slap myself a million times, thinking that the world revolves around me. people never distrust me before. my words were always correct..till today..you read me wrong. anyways, i guess i am still stupid enough to keep my hopes high and trying to think positive. mommy please say you lil' girl is dumb. you never taught me about the other side of life.

i cant help crying and feeling so sad. i think again and again about why i am here today. i try to think of the brighter side of life, but guess what? i still think you are outta my league and i hate myself for thinking you are not. perhaps ive met my match. weird enough, the same sex. i never wanted to be the one hunting. ive never hunted before.

and mommy, why'd you give birthe to a girl who is so emotional?

all i wanna do is to fall back into love.

friends are people who like you for you even though they know eveything good or bad about you...right? then why do some discourage? then why do some frown?

ive thought for so long and so hard. i think about the consequences, i think about what would come, i think about all the things that i have to understand and accept and guess what, i want it. i promise to be so different. i priomise to try. i promise, i'll make a change in myself. i trust you and i need you to trust me as well. you are scare and so am i. we'll get through it together :) all i am asking, is for you remember that i am me and not someone else you know.

i still cant believe that it happened, and i need a reasurance in what you said to me again. cos honestly, i feel that i am not good enough for you. i feel like nothing and guess what. no one has made me feel like that before.

today, i came across a song that my friend had wrote, compose, played and sang for his girlfriend.
i found it so sweet, and i really mean it.
i guess it showed me what love really was all about.
i've never heard words that were so sincere.
i am truly amazed.

music: maria carey: always be my baby

it's a saturday morning and i am home. when i woke this morn, i was smiling. just last night, i was feeling like crap, all stressed up and sulking. well, looks like i got up on the right side of bed this time around. anyways, i had this song already playing in my mind and i quickly grabbed my lappy to find it. anywas, i havent got any plans except that tonight im meeting my girls at 6 and before that ive got to meet ken to buy materials for monday's class. oh yea, and i wanna go do some last min practicing in school. dang, but first, ive got to get the room keys from my captain.

last night, i was so down. to the core i swear. i was like on the verge of tearing. actually, i did cry i guess. i was so stress. you know the feeling when you are so scared and stress? i felt that way. many a times, i feel like i havent done enough, i havent put my best foot forward. i feel so afraid. i dont even know how to describe. it sucks even more when the whole world tells me that ive got so much potential. i want to believe them, but each time, i feel like im usless.

so here i am, listening to songs by maria carey, still in bed and waiting for an sms that'll make my day. tomorrow's my competition and it just so is saddening that narene cant come anymore to watch :( anyways, i'd rather she rest and do well for her trials.

ciao for now.

'and i get to kiss you baby just because i can'

j i n . z- www.scenesofmydrama.blogspot.com says:
seriously, how do i know if i really really like her more than a friend

[c=5][c=55][Vengeful,strong and anti-social][/c]Girly man's the God of Puss![/c][b]STUPIDLIFELESSPEOPLE[/b] says:
ehhh...when you start thinking about her more than usual and when you realise you think of her as a partner rather than a friend





on a topic that i never would have seen myself talking to eneida about.





i told nut. i told him. i think i've made it all clear now. come what may now.
*crosses finger and puts on a lil' smile while listening to micheal buble on ipod.

memories of you and for you.

i guess sometimes, when one thinks that she is over someone, the truth actually hits her and she realizes that the cold hard fact is that she really still is in love with that someone. maybe it is merely part and parcel of love and life. im confuse. each time i think and i ponder on why i said what i said and regret. i know i do wish every thing hadn't happened the way it did. babes, i swear that if i were given just one more chance to turn things around, i would make things ever so right. but then again, im back down in reality and i can now actaully see how much my childishness had actually taken a big fat impact on me. it's gone. i need a wake up call every now and then to tell me that i brought this upon myself. i let you go baby. anyways, i know i want you to be ever so happy because i know you deserve it all. memories with you were the best. through the short time we had, we made the best outta it all. thank you so much. i still tear when i think about it all. as promised, i'll take you on a journey to show you how much i've grown up.






















asia pacific competition today.


southpark, together with his partner (i so forgot his name, sorry!), our national champions, brought home a silver for singapore. well done boys! oh, and i get to snap a photo with them:

*i promise more photos of today! look out for em' :)

music: linkin park: what i've done

there are times when one likes to listen to a certain type of music just to be able to think or feel an emotion.

tonight, i choose this song. it doesn't stop playing on my laptop. i close my eyes and i breather deeply. i feel at ease for a moment, but then it all comes back in when i open my eyes. once upon a time, i had everything. i let them all go. i did everything wrong.



"for what i've done, i start again and whatever pain may come, today this ends, im forgiving what i've done, i'll face myself to cross what i have become, erase myself and let go of what ive done...'



i still wish for someone to be there to hold me close and make me smile. i wish for you, yes you, if you know who i am refering to.

JUST SO YOU KNOW, THIS FEELING'S TAKING CONTROL OF ME.
i want out out out!!!




narene that nut, gave me a (according to me) tampon like thingie with saga seeds which spelt my name on them. shhoo sweet (i know). i swear i could go up to her and just squeeze her cheeks. aaahahahahaha!!!!

teary eyed and screaming!

i guess what i am trying to say is that i took you for granted and only now i realize it.
i guess what i am trying to say is that i can't believe that you can move on when you were so down back then.
i guess what i want you to know is that i dont like to share, never.



so what if i am selfish, i dont really care i guess.
cos' this is how i really feel.



i think i like you still that's why.

friends are forever.

wednesday always means that i can sleep in a lil' and take my time to get things done and also have fun with mermaid.


today, i had met jess and glenn at ikea for a quick lunchie where we had meatballs (YUM!) and hotdogs. we then headed to queensway shopping mall cos' jess had wanted to look at VANS shoes and i wanted to check out cross-training shoes as well. we checked out almost all the stalls and even had time for ice-cream break at mac :D well, jess couldn't actually find any shoes that suited her liking, (there weren't even much choices to begin with) and so she ended up buying other stuffs. did i mention, i absolutely loved the red hoodie that she bought! (maybe cos' it was red) anyways, i settled for a red and grey oascids sports shoe and guess what? one of our own rp student served me! it wasn't that i knew him or whatsoever, but since glenn was wearing out rp lifesaving singlet, he recognised it and he was super nice and friendly can! for that, i got a great pricing for the shoes! (big *grins) after all that shopping, we went to school for training as usual. sheeshh...oh and i realize that i really have to get my own personal fins since the one in school has been shared around and has thus, expanded and has become too big for me. holy crackery moley!!! i've got like so little time can!


and here's rachel chiam and i again, trying so hard till today to get a picture perfect together:

shot number one, with jenny trying to squeeze her face in without luck.

shot number two where we got jenny to take the photo for us.

shot number three, where this time, xan tried to stick her head in.

and these were weeks before:

oh and yesterday, jason came to rp and i just couldn't help but notice the effort that he had took to made his hair so.....STYLE AHH!

you made me grow up so much.
you made me see too much as well.
i'll take you once, i'll take you once again the right way this time around.
i love your toy, and i'll keep lovin' it.
babes, it means no more because i've got a heart of protected with layers of walls.

and the swim that meant something...or so i think.

the girls with an attitude: jen, jess, shuci, me and xan.
the team that swam their hearts out on saturday for a purpose :)
and then to AMK's mac to makan! chris, me and weisi.
jenny, shuci and me. happy bithday!we then surprised shuci with a slice of oreo cheesecake with a lit up candle and all. and the nice nice people of mac were so sweet as to add on to the decor of the cake!

fatigue.

tuesday, i went to swim and then jog after school with yikai and peggy.
we hit the fitness corner too, doing sit ups, incline pull ups and push ups.
loves. i actually have not a clue if im addicted.

and then on the bus ride home, i was looking through glen's ipod and picking out songs that i wanted so he could send me. (thanks in advance glen!)

oh and this morning, i met narene on the way to sch :D.
phheewwwhhee~
that girl arr...dont know if she is really shy or what, but she was so funny la.
and then she ditched me to skip school with her friends.
shheesshh..haha...

and after ages, i finally decide to bring the 'i <3 newyork' t-shirts to school for my darling classmates. bit by bit that is.










and when the thought of it keeps playing in my mind over and over again, i wonder where'd you really went. you were never brutal, till now.

lovin' my school yo.

republic polytechnic.

team republic.

school of sports health and leisure (SHL).

whatever you call it.

this school rocks sugar!

i've grown so much.

i can see the difference between myself and others from other institutions.

i like the idea of having a say in things.

i love how i work my arse off and people credit me :) (cheers to that)

brag 2007 (swimming)

we owed it big time!

we've got a first positioning for the following events:

-breaststroke relay

-freestyle relay

-individual men (free)

not to mention, we got a third for individual women too! (my champion, minhui, great job babes)

ahh...overall still..SHL we rock pebbles!

the after brag cam-whoring with xan and chris:

and my babe sam again:

oh and last friday, when we went to SunLove Home once again, i snapped a quick photo with Max, who has mental disabilities. He was such a darling :)

and ive finally mastered the 'art' of tying french plaits on my very own!

brag 2007.

it's 2:56pm on my lappy's clock.

clive's talking away like he always does.
loves it, his module. clive rocks.
he's realistic, no lies.

brag swimming is in a couple of hours.
i feel jumpily tired.



'everything's changing, when i turn around, all out of my control...'

it stings like a bumble bee.

and sometimes, people get tired, drained and they lose out.




hearing the silence, hearing the peace around, i so am not use to all these.





i remember the cartoons at my crib, i remember the smell of you. i remember when daddy saw.


i remember the bus rides and so much more. i wanna love you still, i wanna believe in you but babe, your actions prove so otherwise. it is the end, we know it, so why cant you tell me straight. why cant u come up to me in the face and say babe it's gone. maybe i'll smile or cry, but i would make me feel better. at least i know sweet that it is from you. i dont wanna hear no others. i wanna just sit like a crying child in a corner and hide my face. i wanna cry babe, i wanna scream it all out. everyday just makes me bleed more. ive become numb to the pain.





please dont hurt others too. my poor girl doesnt deserve this too.





today, i laughed, but it felt all too fake.





today, my girl mich msned me. we chatted and decided to meet next tues. everyone seems to be having guy problems.





i have a problem i realise. i cant trust guys no more.


i gave you my all babe. you threw me away, like an unwanted rag doll.





iheartyou



and words cant describe how much i love you mates. chucky, song and jas :)

when all falls apart.

thursday.

late for school and i cabbed down.
mom woke me up, but lazy me just wanted to sleep in.
ok, my bad.

im trying to forget, but it still is lingering.
you hurt one, too many.
someone said i looked happier yesterday. i said, "am i faking it?".

once in awhile, you miss your friends so damn much.
im feeling it now. my sweet sweet baby, dawn, i miss you my babe.

as we grow up, we get tied up with silly lil' things.

and i wish away the pain.

that orange dress.
i wore today.


that saturday, shiqin, steph, mei and i were together.
we had gossips love.


that sunday, you walked by me.
it hurt as usual.


today is monday, and i still havent found myself.


yesterday, the patrol flay made my left feet bleed.
it hurts like crap when i walk still.


i cant eat still.

sad songs.

"now our loves floating out the window...our loves floating out the back door...our loves floating up in the sky..."




make me feel dizzy, make me feel that warm fuzzy feeling all over again.

happy posts :)

"tonight tonight, i'm gonna make it right, even heros can get lucky sometimes."

the day i died.

wednesday again. i had intented to go tann at sentosa. you were suppose to come, but things changed. it rained and i forced myself to just sleep. the longs hours of so called rest though, just didn't seemed enough. i still feel tired, restless and helpless.

today, i realize that jasmine is in the same boat as me. poor girl, poor me.



"flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things things come to an end?"

and all i do is to pick it up and turn it around, making the glittery hearts float around and around and around. and all i do is to go through the cards over and over again.

yesterday, i told grayson that the jin he knew then and how has changed. i think ive grown up.

today, i had sports business and when the window had popped up, it had lifted my mood so much. but, it was never meant to be. alone alone alone.

i think ive made an effort. what else is there for me to do babes?

i cry myself to sleep still. i havent had a good sleep for some time. when will things be better?

gary isnt around this whole week and yikai, peggy and i went to jog today. it was hard. my throat was so dry and bitter. i felt like crying. i think im falling sick. love sick i wonder.

tomorrow is another off day. what can i do? time alone sounds great, but i know the nasty thoughts that would fill my head. baby baby, come swipe me off my feet please oh please.

ive been implusive and obviously thinking with a polluted mind. there are things i wish i remembered or wish i never did and said, but what can i do to make you love me now? im squeezing my already fragile heart and racking my brains, constantly blaming myself for eveything. i want you so bad and i know i'd wait and wait and wait and things would never be right.

loads of other guys could whisper sweet nothings into my ears now and i would be numb. i dont wanna hear these things, i wont wanna be loved by another but just you.

it's been a week and i still ask myself why i feel likle this. Ive never seen or even known this side of me existed. I whine, i try to cry, i overwork myself, i fake laughters and pretend to me the girl that isnt me at all. im telling the world that i am alright, i am telling the world that even the happiest person dont show their sorrow sometimes.

i find myself staring into nothing, looking at couples and thinking i could have been like this. i find myself hating the lonely rides and always yearning for the eagerness to hold you. i find myself doing the silliest things for you, but you dont see it. i find myself doing so much, things that you dislike, i dont do them no more. just so you love me more. but it is all too late.

ive given the thought of being in love with the real one up. im being someone that i aint. i dont speak to those who adore me, reason being, i want them to move on so much. i know how much of a lover i can be and i think that if anyone deserves better, it shouldnt be me. maybe this decision that i have choosen for myself would do me much good. i dont know.

in the mean time, im still head over heels for you boy.

i ran a thousand miles :)

gary made us train for the race next friday for fear that we would come in last.

so we put on our shoes and jogged.

it felt good i guess, to sweat it out.

with my ipod on, it took my worries away for the time being.

it felt like i could breathe again.

yikai was nice to pace with me :) thanks dude, i know i can count on you.

as life goes on for me, i have realize the new responsibilities that I have now and i really have been earnestly trying to learn to cope with them.

my dearest classmates who was also my team mate for events and facilities and management module keep doing the lamest things today, or rather, everyday. i guess he has been making laugh a lot la and that is good? or is it all too fake?

anyways, BOON and SHAM, I OVERTOOK you GUYS arr!!!! :D

today i texted you, today you replied, it makes me smile.

tomorrow, tomorrow, i will cheer my lungs out for you sexy boys :)

i have nightmares of you psuhing me away.
i was crying myself to sleep, and i woke up still crying.
i wonder if i cried while sleeping too.
no one is telling me anything.
why is no one telling me that you still need me?

I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I NEED A CURE FOR THIS ACHE.

dear babes,

sorry babes.

i try and i try to cry, but the tears ain't flowing no more. i feel so bad. i feel too hurt, too much pain to say anything. im bleeding inside, can anyone tell? i save lives, but yet i cant save myself. tell me why you did all those things, tell me everything, i want to build a world around you. i wanted to feel loved like you had once said.

dear world, now i look at myself in the mirror and wonder what is wrong with me. i tell myself to wake up and move on like you have, but im stuck. i dont want no one's help. i yearn so much to be loved and be craddled in your arms. but no, i will not get them no more.

and so i sit and watch on as you move along with life, ive been sitting here, havent you noticed? ive been the one who screams and shed the tears. ive been that invinsible girl who sits around and watch you, the one who so wanted to make things right. why didnt you wait babe? why didnt you wait for me?

im finally feeling the tears. in seconds, i'll be crying. ive really built a wall around my heart that will only break apart for you. it sucks and you may hate it, but i cant help it. ive got a queue babes, but i see only you.

there are like a hundred things that i so want to tell you, but i know you wont be there to listen anymore. you'll be tied up, in the arms of another. im chucked aside like a rag doll.

i want to whisper i love you over and over again, i want to hold you close and run my fingers through your hair. i want the most to lean in deep and breathe in your smell. it had always been comforting, so right.

my stomach feels hungry no more. im frowning too much. my mind is spinning and i just want to keep crying.

i pray for something to happen, i pray for you. i tell myself that im ok, that i'll get throught this, but i know i wont.

today, i did something right. i made myself feel respected.

babes, i miss you.

music: nelly furtado: say it right

i've been thinking too much...and in circles.
i wish i knew the truth, and i wish you would be the one to approach me and talk about it.

all these talking, makes me so upset.
all these talking, makes me crumble up inside.

but i can promise, i won't show no sign of sadness.
i'll put on a mask to the world.

funny how when you realise something is actually wrong that you love that one so much more.
and i do really do baby.

show me a lil' more lovin' like you use to.
i promise i will try to make it so right.

my little piece of heaven has a secret he won't tell.

dandelion- weed with yellow flowers.

"i belong to me
i don't belong to you
my heart is my possesion
i'll be my own reflection"

"stoning" day in school.

music: akon: don't matter

i feel restless and i hadn't exactly felt like doing anything.
god, save me. dang!
i can't let today slip away.

on the good side, i'm starting to realise the madness in shuan.
swweeettt...wait till sam and rach hears this!!!

i feel numb and i kinda feel like i'm losing myself.
in all different ways.

i'm looking foward to every trainings, perhaps it is a get away.

god, presentation started.

ciao

i really don't understand baby.

we spoke and you still feel the same, but your thinking ain't right no more.
what's love when you can't love a person?

i remember when you had pierced a third ear hole with me babe. i love it totally, but unfourtanetly it had to close.
i loved your scent always and how i loved to hug you close and sniff you.
i remember how we always play my stupid cell phone game and try and beat each other.

it's the little things baby.
don't you still want them?

i loved how you always make me smile while you act like a kid.

what goes around, will it come back around?

if doing so much doesn't work, that what was the point?

you say you don't wanna pull me down but i said it was ok.

why don't you listen?

now it's all gone.

yet again, i am alone.

i don't wanna be in the game of love anymore.

it's tiring and painful.

maybe i'll just play around or perhaps, just be selfish.

i don't ever wanna know that girl that i once was.

the happy one with the smile.

now i just wanna curl up and die.

so as i sat in the cab home, i watched your neughbourhood pass me by.

the last time, i touched your favourite quicksilver sweartshirt.

the last time i snuggled up under your comforter in your bed .

the last time i felt your breath so near me.

the last time i held you so close.

goodbye memories and hello my lonely life :/

i am speechless and my teary eyes won't stop flowing.

i am so tired.

maybe, i'll go do laps and then i'll find peace because i am alone.

i don't want to be bothered.

what is love now and where do i go from here?

monday baby :)

we had trials for the year ones today.
THANK YOU jonathan for the help for the waterpolo peeps! XD lovelove.
it was hella cool.
let's hope it works out.

music: JIBBS: chain hang low

you left without a word after you class today.
no smses, no calls.
you simply left.

what's going on.

i keep thinking, maybe you want me for the wrong things.

i still love you babe.

hold me close and whisper into my ears that you still need me.

losers go to hell...maybe?

you know how people treat you so nice in front of your face but they are fuggling loser behind your back because they talk bad about you like there's no tomorrow behing your back?

ive always known someone like that.
god, do something!
kim you know, i know, we all secretly do.
i swear a bitch it is.

leave me alone now, wont you.
i havent done anything to you.

i gave you everything that i could give.
and from now till forever, i am worthless.

what's love?

is it normal to cry a lot for a person? i guess so.
is it normal to go all out for that someone? i think so too.

but what if you feel like the world ic crashing down on you?
and that one person whom you trsut to help you ends up making you sad too?
what do you do?

what if you feel like you can't speak to your friends because you are afraid of what they may say?
all you ever say to them now is how much you are so in love and that you are the luckiest girl alive.
what do you do when you have a million things bottled inside you and you don't know where to start even if a hundred people offer a listening ear?

i want to feel that love and security all over again.
i feel numb now.
i dream and hoep a lot, but it never happens.
i ain't saying that i don't love you no more but just that i think you are confuse.

regrets in my life are things i do not forget.

IM BACK whether you like it or not :))

music: gwen stefani: the sweet escape


i haven't been blogging for a zillion kabillion years...i know i know...i apolpgise for those who have tried to update themselves on my blog but only to be turned off by no new update at all.


anyway, a million happenings had happened....errr..yea...and i have no idea where to start at all...


wednesday: fourth april
my hella cool eighteen birthday. i celebrated the day away with my beach patrols brothers. we had lunch at that cafe at borders (i so forgot the name!) and then headed to..erm the KTV...err..the one near heeren..yea..and sang our lungs and hearts away to english oldies and cheena songs, where i actually learnt to appreciate jay chou's songs. haha :x we had mos burger for dinner because almost everywhere else was jam packed and i haven't got a shit clue at all why because it was only mid week wednesday.

then we headed down to zouk because baby wanted to go mambo. there, the whole gang (i mean the boys) met my lovely bitches, namely, rachelle and her friend wanxin and samantha. (my paris couldn't make it!) we wanted to drink, and we did, but it wasn't enough at all to get us the slightest bit high. anyway, we more or less danced the night away at phuture instead. oh, did i mention that dino, twang, misso and southpark joined us too? haha.

babes gave me the sweetest smelling bunch of flowers with a dorothy perkins tote and tube. i love it baby, as much as i so adore you :) i hereby thank everyone who has made my birthday a blast, i fugglying love you peeps.


now that i can club officially, i'm lovin' everything about it.


the following wednesday: eleven april
my bitches again, rach, sam and i (sheena didn't go again) headed to zouk. this time, no guys with us. we were shit afraid that we would miss clubing once school started and thus, the last minute decision to head down. hahaha. anyway, the sickest shit happened, or so i thought..bahh...the ugliest guys had to come and dance with us and they got touchy touchy!! eewww....we didn't let them get to us of course! we brushed them off and still had a freaking great time! then rach had to 'ditch' us for another guy and so it was just sam and i to go nutty, hopping from zouk to phuture. oh and rach's friends had made us finish their drink just because they had ordered too much. phheeww...i was so freaking bloated..

ohhh...and i had bryan looy staring down at me. erm..okok..not that he was attracted or anything....it was beacuse he saw me..hahahahaha!!! plus, i saw damian while having prata with sam in the wee hours..oh gosh..*melts...arrgghh...i just recalled...on my birthday night at zouk i saw oh so cute shaun ong :)))


monday: sixteen april
the first day of school. new classroom, new friends and new academic year. duuhhh... one of the candidates for miss rp is my classmate...jasmine diana danker..hmm...she seems..ehh..no comments...oh well...i shan't judge till i get to know her better..haa... my class seems like a quite bunch..as in a really good bunch..and i mean it...oh my goodness..i'm so afraid of not being able to perform...the first two days has passed, meaning two modules has gone by and i ain'y finding it the least bit easy peasy at all! wish me luck!!!


wednesday: eighteen april
off day because i was wise enough not to choose and elective. hmm...the truth is, i hadn't been able to make up my mind on what i had wanted to take yet..so i decided to give myself time. i had spent the day slacking at baby's crib and then of course to cater to my darling mermaid.

holly cracker moley!! back to school tomorrow :/ oh wells....


i promise more updates and kim, make once a month to once a week yea? hahaha.


truck loads of hugs and kisses,
jin

happy CHEENA new year!

i fuggling love chinese new year.
here's why,

-all the $KA-CHING$.
it's so like so freaking easy to earn money by just merely sitting down, smiling and just plain being all sugary sweet and poilte. (no offense, oppsy!)

-i get to meet like all my relatives.
well, im sure there's more to them, but yea...i guess these are the regulars that you would see every year for like only...erm...once? not to mention, i hardly every breathe a word to them! except to the elder ones, who seem to always make more sense when speaking.

-great food and drinks!
duuhhh....

-i get to dress up pretty and no one would say im ugly.
cos' it's the new year and no one really bothers i guess. prolly, there are too engross in the festive mood that every damn thing looks great to them.

lucky for me, i only have to go visting for just one day.
i feel sad that im getting older every year. dammit, that would mean that my years of getting angpaos are getting lesser!
arr well...the money i get in total every year is still more or less the same. a lil' higher or lower. nothing new, nothing wow.

anyway, i had ask my dad to bring mermaid over to my grandma's place today beause apparently, my cousin had brought her two dogs over too.
it was chaos! her dogs were small and white and not to mention, they were both males while mermaid was black, big and female!
mermaid was rather well behaved and she was even a lil' afraid at first.
my cousin's two bloodly dogs were stupidly barking their arses off for no freaking apparent reason and man were they horny bastards. they wanted to 'hump' mermaid! sick shit. haha!

be my valentine.

i guess wrong, like i usually do nowadays.
i thought you would make me so happy, but you let your old habits kick in.
you never change,and i really dont think that i expect anything anymore.
just yesterday, we taked about kenny.
just awhile ago, you made everything that you said last night seemed like it was cming through.

to break up and wake up.

here i am in the mid-afternoon, blogging and blasting fort minor's where'd you go.
im thinking of everything that had happened before. im thinking of giving up.

the feeling of emptiness is kicking in and i'm just sitting here, waiting for something to happen.

did you know? i spent a whole morning working on the surprise despite the fact that u was unwell? no you dont.
everything i do, was for the benefit for us, both.
i guess you never saw it.
everything i did was probably childish and lame.

sometimes...just one in awhile, i still wish you were here, southpark.

motherFUSKER!

visual basics had always been like BAD. but today, it was ACCEPTIONALLY TERRIBLE.
no one was in the FREAKING mood man! (well, at least paris, sam, rachelle and i)

we went down to the bookshop during breakout one and guess what? we went GAGA over GLITTER. we bought ONE miserable pink tube in the end because we wanted to decorate our lappies :)



*HADIF had volunteered to decorate SHEENA'S and my hand!*


href="http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/158/1492/1600/135351/Image122.jpg">
*and I DREW SAMANTHA a PRETTY HEART :)*



*and I had ATTEMPTED to STICKMAN and STICKWOMAN on my lappy, but it came out in the end*


we were so RESTLESS and since we decided that we would NEVER understand what was going on today, PARIS, SAM, RACH and I decided to CAM-WHORE. we ended up dancing and singing around like PARIS HILTON and NICOLE RICHIE in SIMPLE LIFE. totally hilarious.
we were just roaming around school and bitching about eberything and anything.

ohhh...and i made friends (i think) with this guy next door. we were going to the toilet when i saw him drawing on the window of his class. this was what i said:

"hi sexy, you look hot. mr cap guy, since you are like my neighbour and the semster is coming to an end, we should like get to know each other. so, what's your name?"

arrww well, at least i said something like that. HAHAHA!
his name is MALCOM. (and i do think he is cute :D)

i've been sneezing the whole day. think it's one of those stupid days where my SIGHNESS is kicking in. i've taken TWO COLD PANADOLS that i bought from the bookshop already. it ISN'T WORKING!!!

sam teo went home. BLEAH x(

trippin'

how did i get myself into this?
i keep thinking. i dont get it.


i think i really got you. i dont want you to feel so hurt mat.
i mean i dont remember saying anything nasty. i never said nothing would happen.
i am unsure, i am fearful.
that's all.
i dont know how long it would take to get over it sweets.
but what more can i do?
only time will tell?


sam, you've made me real mad and really happy.
goodnes gracious, it's funny la..i mean everything.
you know what sam?
you've learnt a very important lesson from me. treasure it.
CAM-WHORING :) like totally...geezz...


i said i would ignore you, ok, i mean like STAY AWAY.
but here you are again, popping into my life once more.
i wonder what you want.
i fear you D***O.
i dont want history to repeat.
you want us to try again.
i guess i dare not to.
im sorry although i said ok.
i will try but it's really gonna be hard.
(im hoping you'll read this and understand)


southpark is sick again.
blaahh!!!
why are you always down with the nasty flu.
haha.
poor thing.
anyway, i hope all your hardwork will pay off darl.


ive got a new job :))
im gonna be coaching kids in swimming.
YAYYY!!!
like MORE TIME to myself and not to mention KAA-CHIINGG! in a shorter time as compared to what i am doing now.
i'll still do lifeguarding though.


updates on the TOTAL SEXAY (according to me) pictures of the COOLEST w16j: