'a piece of tiffany's would be lovely for christmas don't you think?'

skipped a beat, you again.

christmas is next weekend and i don't exactly feel all pumped up for it. but i really wanna be all excited for it. all the decorations, shopping and tis' the season to be jolly. i wanna be all soaked in it already.

what's missing?

"you looked at me with the truth in your eyes and you said it's ok i can go"

empty.

music: jennifer lopez: hold you down

all this make pretend of having it all in me, killed me. there now, catch me unintended again?

love is when you eat the egg whites and i take the yolks.

i am afraid that i'll never know how to be in love again.

i guess that really is the easiest way to put it through for people to undestand. tell me i derserve it, tell me it's karma, tell me that i am a bitch, a slut, what not, judge me till no end, tell me i will always be alone. i shouldn't be bothered with what others say, i should only be bothered and care for my friends. but how when i am so conscious? how when i seek acceptance in others?

but then it happened and i managed to learn to let it all go. once and the first time in my life, i can breathe easy and tell myself that it doesn't matter how everyone else in the world perceives me to be. i just need my friends to know the truth and trust me. i shouldn't let others get me down and decide my life.

so why when i feel that i can focus and let in again that things don't go my way? life really is unfair isn't it? im beginning to think that there is no point in changing for the better anymore. nothing will work out, when i thought i had it, it slipped right through so easily. in life, i try and try to be better, to make things work out but what has all these done for me? im not sure, but just that i am so paranoid now, so guarded, so afraid to let in all too soon. it's like i have this wall built around me now in which it takes forever or perhaps never to tear it down. i dont wanna keep holding it all up and having to be all proper. i wanna laugh and be really happy. i wanna cry like i mean it and i wanna love like romeo and juliet. i guess im saying that my feelings are numb. i'm scared that i can't find the right ways to feel no more.

it took forever, but i thought now i am ready. but it's just gone.

bored studying but this is my life.

im tired until wanna die kind of tired. anhb1101 i must conquer you. monday's practical and friday's theory paper. long long way to the finishing line. bored bored bored. cannot give up now.

'you gave my life direction, a game show love connection'

music: robyn: dancing on my own.

i am only human and i am ever growing and learning. i have made unwise decisions that hurt others and in turn hurt myself but i can only ask for forgiveness and apologise and of course change for the better. i may take awhile or perhaps a longer time but i only want to be better, i only want for people to like me. i earnestly just want to be good inside and out, i dont wanna cheat or lie or hurt anyone. i may have done so, not once or twice but it was stupid mistakes and i can vouch that it was me being unable to cope maturely and logically with situations. but i am growing up and i want to make it perfect.

i wanna stop dancing on my own. i wanna stop being messed up and out of line. i dont wanna be in the corner anymore. i wanna stop giving my all but have nothing good back.

i want to make a productive change. i wanna be on top of myself. to be able to look back from now on and have no regrets. to be able to be pure sincere and happy. to everyone i have crossed paths with, i apologise for the unhappy moments and i wanna thank you for all the happy ones. some may not have made it but im glad if we still remained as friends and yes, bygones be gone, forgive and forget, let's move on to be better.

i can understand the meaning of it was all back then when we were young and foolish. i can understand what is giving chances even if it is hard. i can understand that there is no point being angry all my life and bearing hatred.

forgive me, i am human and i will be better.

i'm in the corner, watching you kiss her

i'm right over here, why can't you see me

i'm giving it my all, but i'm not the girl you're taking home

i keep dancing on my own

i'm just gonna dance all night

i'm all messed up, i'm out of line

stilettos and broken bottles

i'm spinning around in circles

what's up with teens killing and stabbing others? not cool. perhaps they would live in regrets and only realise their actions after. stupid action and utterly selfish. taking the life of another just because of a small disagreement? then again, no matter how big the issue, it doesn't give one the right to stab another. this boy had a life ahead of him and so do you. but because of stupid impulsive actions, now everyone else suffers.

SI practical exam today!
last quiz for anbh1101 today!
i want to gagg and die cos i dont feel prepared for anything.

take a chance and dont ever look back.

the weekend.

swimming ivp at sports school.

christina.cassandra.

friday.

dinner with jim and minhui.

i wish i can tell you i am a godsent angel, i am so perfect that ive never made a mistake ever. but no, i am a mess, a ordinary human being who sometimes let the world gets to her head and make stupid mistakes that in turn she regrets. but time cannot go back and mistakes cannot be undone. we can only learn and move on, forgive and forget. but its only human to try but we cannot perhaps change forever. we can change for the better but we remember and the only way to heal is to move forward. how? its difficult. i try to please everyone, i know whats important should just be the ones around me but i let it get to my silly head all the time that i need to be liked. when will i wake up really? when can i see and appreciate whats around and be contented?

open water championships 2010.

it's been a good sporting year, at least for me. the upexpected happened and i cant complain because i was loving every moment of it all. i guess it's always true when they say just have fun. i did and i really enjoyed everything, from the competition to the friends around. im no new face already and maybe some people are just plain bored of seeing the same old faces but i have no intentions or whatsoever to stop anytime soon. the love i have built for lifesaving is beyond words can describe. now that my years of hard work is starting to pay off, it simply is just pushing me forward for more. photos!!!

i was delighted to join team sta this year. a blessing in disguise. it really wasnt an easy start, i found it difficult to adjust because i was home sick to team rp. but i adapted and settled. i knew it was for the better and it paid off just right the way i forsee it to be. either way, i must say that i am happy with my performace and with the move i decided to make this year. no regrets. my true friends and always will be team mates understood and supported me all the way and i saw and felt it myself. what more can i ask for when i have friends who just wants the best for me.