music: paramore: the only exception

i don't know how but you still bother me. i have been keeping it together and it's been going good but now and then you still get to me, you eat into my heart all over again and make me hurt. i don't know how i fell so hard for you, i don't know how i cared for you way too much and i don't know how i let myself love you more than you did for me. i let you in, i don't know how i let that happen. i don't know how i'll really get over you. i want to, i really do because this pain is too much. it's stopping me really from opening the doors again. i want to find someone better than you because that's suppose to be easy because you weren't exactly perfect at all but why is it so hard. why can't someone else be my only exception now?

music: eric clapton: change the world

i remember when dada use to blast the music on real loud on the speakers on sunday mornings. i would eagerly and happily step on his feet and he would take me by the hands, hold me tight and we would dance around to the music just him and i. we would always be laughing, always smiling. i felt so loved and i felt so sure and safe with him around.

music: eric clapton: tears in heaven

you won't find music like this anymore. find me a man that has a soul this deep, find me a man who brings tears to my eyes with words so simple, who plays the guitar with such ease and soothes the mind. he takes his music to a level in which is truly a pure classic.

because you are my everything.

i miss you, i still do.

idontwannaspendanotherholidayaloneandreallybecauseimisshavingsomeonetobethereformeandshowermewithloadsofcuddlesandkisses.

weekend warrior.

SP biathlon 2011.

OSIM triathlon 2011.

I don't know if I am way done with my peak or perhaps I am a late bloomer but I feel good this year. I feel like I am pushing more than before and my mental strength has improved. I hope this maintains and motivates me much more. These races have become a form of escapism to me now and it's mad but I love the adrenaline it gives me. I feel more satisfied than before after each race and find myself craving for more to come.

Maybe it's because I truly am focusing on myself now, that I am giving myself the own attention that I should have done so long ago. But sometimes I do know that I use these races to mask my anger, irritation and hurt with whatever that's happened.

music: atomic kitten: someone like me

I've started my school break. It's been slow paced but I think it's doing me good. I let it slowly sink in that I don't actually need to be mugging hard for the next month or two and now that it's in my head, i am embracing it and am trying to get everything on track. I don't wanna rush but I know I can't take all this free time for granted too. I wanna use this time to focus on training too and I do hope that I meet my own expectations for Nationals this year.

Things to be done nicely this break:

(1) SI and Swimsafer certifications

(2) Stabilize coaching schedule

(3) Hopefully go back to work at BP once in awhile?

Things that has been planned and to look forward to this break:

(1) Bangkok with Sam and Saburi

(2) Redang dive trip

(3) Bintan with Christina

Things that are happening after my school break:

(1) Lifesaving Teacher course

(2) Lifesaving competition in Penang

I hope this little break from school will do me good, I gave up pushing forward my Professional Practice module to have this break and so I wanna make good use of it and return to school feeling fresher.

"This life is what you make it. Not matter what, you're going to mess up sometimes, it's a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you're going to mess it up. Girls will be your friends - they'll act like it anyway. But just remember, some come, somg go. The ones that stay with you through everything - they're your true best friends. Don't let go of them. Also remember, sisters make the best friends in the world. As for lovers, well, they'll come and go too. And babve, I hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can't give up becuase if you give up, you'll never find your soul mate. You'll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. Just because you fail once, doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don't, then who will, sweetie? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life's a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about."

— Marilyn Monroe

music: atomic kitten: last goodbye

ain't nobody here to make it right because i couldn't seem to find a way for love to stay. if you have another night to give i would have another night to live.