i wanna have a new nose because mine sucks big time. i hate having sinus, i hate free flow leaking nose, i hate block nose, i hate feeling under the weather, i hate feeling body aches, i hate having a bad throat, i just hate being sick. bummer bummer!!!



my life sucks my life sucks.



i started work yesterday. it was a hectic first day but time flew by quickly. it was horrible because i was sick. and i thought i would be able to stay in the office with jocelynn but shit no, i was dragged out by boss the whole day. xxxxxxxxxx. and then and then, i had coaching today. being sick is no joke man! the pool water was so freakingggg colddd. but it felt good swimming and then having to feel tired and being able to nap. i took medicine finally and it helped but im still feeling quite stoned. sighhhhh....tomorrow is work without jocelynn. i scareddddd. haha. im gonna start speaking like a japnese soon man.



i have to studyyyyy and i have to trainnnnn. fml fml fml.

music: snow patrol: you could be happy

because i really want to be happy.

please.

music: eminem featuring rihanna: love the way you lie

"just gonna stand there and watch me burn

but that's alright because i like the way it hurts

just gonna stand there and hear me cry

but that's alright because i love the way you lie

i love the way you lie"

there are things in life where you only get one chance. you screw up, you pay the price and lose it. there are things in life where you may crave for so much but never get it, you can only watch and feel lost but life isn't ever gonna be fair to you. no one said that life was one where you could sail smoothly through. you want it, you work for it. you make mistakes, you get the hell back up and learn from it. but then what happens when one was never given a chance to learn? life as unfair as it will always be, murders you just like that. physically you may die from bleeding too much but what about mentally and emotionally? can it really heal? the scars haunt you a life time. it never goes away. no amount of words will ever relate how the emotions hurts. really. everyone would have felt this kind of piercing pain before. it stabs you right there where it hurts most over and over again. you can't remove it just like that. people say time heals but time is a long process and when it really does heal, the scar is there. it can be broken open all again and again. it never heals. you put it aside and it still comes back up to haunt you. we live in regrets.

my illusion, my mistake.

"tell them all i know now

shout it from the root top

write it on the skyline

all we had is gone now

tell them i was happy

and my heart is broken

all my scars are open

tell them what i hope would be impossible"

it was a cold wet rainy day and i left myself feeling horrible with my own screw ups. i cant figure out what was wrong or what went wrong. i can only hope for better chances soon.

but these scars will always be lessons learnt and pain worth feeling.

tomorrow; hours away i mean.

i gotta admit, i am getting the jitters now. the pressure is building. i need to focus, i need to maintain and be better.