i wish i can tell you i am a godsent angel, i am so perfect that ive never made a mistake ever. but no, i am a mess, a ordinary human being who sometimes let the world gets to her head and make stupid mistakes that in turn she regrets. but time cannot go back and mistakes cannot be undone. we can only learn and move on, forgive and forget. but its only human to try but we cannot perhaps change forever. we can change for the better but we remember and the only way to heal is to move forward. how? its difficult. i try to please everyone, i know whats important should just be the ones around me but i let it get to my silly head all the time that i need to be liked. when will i wake up really? when can i see and appreciate whats around and be contented?

open water championships 2010.

it's been a good sporting year, at least for me. the upexpected happened and i cant complain because i was loving every moment of it all. i guess it's always true when they say just have fun. i did and i really enjoyed everything, from the competition to the friends around. im no new face already and maybe some people are just plain bored of seeing the same old faces but i have no intentions or whatsoever to stop anytime soon. the love i have built for lifesaving is beyond words can describe. now that my years of hard work is starting to pay off, it simply is just pushing me forward for more. photos!!!

i was delighted to join team sta this year. a blessing in disguise. it really wasnt an easy start, i found it difficult to adjust because i was home sick to team rp. but i adapted and settled. i knew it was for the better and it paid off just right the way i forsee it to be. either way, i must say that i am happy with my performace and with the move i decided to make this year. no regrets. my true friends and always will be team mates understood and supported me all the way and i saw and felt it myself. what more can i ask for when i have friends who just wants the best for me.

cos when a heart breaks, no we don't break even.

'what am i suppose to do when the best part of me was always you

what am i suppose to do when i'm all chocked up and you're ok

i'm falling to pieces, i'm falling to pieces'

my heart is heavy.

tell me i am amazing, i've lost faith.

goodbye now mrs lky.

with the passing of mrs lee kuan yew, it scares me to think about the future of singapore without mm lee. i was never a fan of politics nor did i really care much for such issues, but i cant help it when something so huge happens. it affects me very much, and suddenly all the lost time for not bothering hits me hard and deep. it makes me ponder on and on close to my heart and mind. everything just acts up, the thinking, the feelings, swells up instantly and i find myself drowning myself in the news and updates. it makes me appreciate so much what i have around me, where i have come to with my own efforts.

i am afraid to know what will come when mm lee passes. it is a matter of time i know but i would never wish for that day to happen. when one reaches a comfort zone, we just wanna stay there for as long as we possibly can. but now is the time to act again because the comfort zone seems blurry again. i mean singapore can be so vulnerable just like that. we are so small and with today's people getting smarter than the last, we cant exactly predict and expect everything to go according to as plan anymore. what if something bad happens and we are back and ground zero? mm lee being that important figure that holds and binds everything together means everything to us but perhaps there are others who dont see and understand. we cant expect everyone to think alike and be alike. whats gonna happen when hes gone? he who has started and created legendary history to singapore, our father. whats gonna happen? i dont wanna think because it scares me. i dont know why but it does. we are in good hands really. with the current leaders, whats there to be afraid and worry but its like a family tree in like a huge perspective. when the dad is gone, the others strive to go on in harmony but somehow we go wrong and drift. i dont know why but there will always be that wise figure in the family that means everything and once he is gone everything just seems to split up.

they say that as a couple, when one goes the other usually doesnt stay for long as well. i hope for it to not be true now.

with all these grief going around, i cannot help but drown in it as well. i miss my dad who's away covering the story that pm lee was suppose to be in. how many times i wish for us to be close. i do. i envy families who are close knitted. i wish it was easier to tell mom and dad about everything under the sun about my life. i wish they saw my achievements in lifesaving. i wish they saw me compete. i wish they saw and knew how long i have trained and yearn for where i am today. i wish they tell me they love me and that there are proud of me. i mean i know they do but i just wish for real verbal affection from them. it makes me happy with each meal that we have together but i get so shy and harsh with what i say to them. i want to, i want to turn back time and dance with you on your feet, where you make me tea and toast with marite and butter, where you picked my clothes for me every saturday and then we would head to your guitar class before meeting mom for lunch and then hanging out at your office while you did work and i played around. i know you show me you care by always giving in to what i need and want but i wish for more than material things. i wish you were here dad. i miss you and i am proud of you. in so many ways i take after you more than mom. i love you.

farewell mrs lee kuan yew, i never knew you but even so i already feel like i can understand and see what you have done for singapore and for your beloved family. a role model indeed, i would wanna take after your footsteps as a mother and wife when it is my turn.

Lately, he said, he had been looking at Christian marriage vows and was drawn to the words: “To love, to hold and to cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse till death do us part.”

“I told her, ‘I would try and keep you company for as long as I can.’ That’s life. She understood.” But he also said: “I’m not sure who’s going first, whether she or me.”