aint i sweet.

christmas.

make merry and be jolly. have yourself a merry little christmas.

two days before christmas i decided it was time for a new colour change for my nails.
i figured since it was suppose to be a joyous occasion, why not paint it bright pink.
and so i did.
on christmas eve i decided my nails were too plain.
i thought christmas was special, why not put nail art on my nails.
and so i pasted colourful flowers on my nails.
and now i think it's pretty enough :))

christmas day, finally.
i met my honey at noon and we spent a couple of hours together at junction eight just like we did last year on christmas eve.
we have been rather broke lately, so i figured we wouldnt be exchanging any presents this christmas.
but anyways, i did give him a little gift.
i made a handphone keychain for each of us. it spelt our names and mine was red and his was blue with a little bell car at the bottom. i made a powerpoint slide for him too, which was burnt onto an angel cd.


and at night, i watched princess diary on television while having a western home cooked meal by my dad with my family.
i drank a little sakae and topped the sumptous dinner off with a tiny japanese dessert and a thin slice of ice cream log cake.
perfect ending.


so what exactly does christmas means?
i think it is the season to give and share graciously.


i simply love christmas.
it really would be wonerful if it snowed and we could all build snowmans and make angels in the snow.
it would be romantic to cuddle up in front of the fire place with my darling and sip hot chocolate.
i would want to have a gorgeous tree with the brightest star at the top and lovely presents at the bottom.
it would be a dream come true.

merry christmas.

here's to world peace.

especially dedicated to KIMBERLY =D

sun.sea.sand.

OUTING WITH APANDA WAS SIMPLY INSANE.
AND KIM, I TRIED THE "MUA JI" THING ON HER!
WAHAHAHA!

creating my new self.

so i ditched my job at wild wild wet. i was so close to getting it, but i thought fun was much better. you see it was suppose to be a three day course. i went for the course on the first day ( tuesday, 6/12/2005 ) and decided that the training was so slack. if something were to happen ( touch wood ), i did think the victim would die. haa! the lifeguards there seem to be just for show. oh well, anyway, i still need a job. i am DESPERATE.

chalet was super fun. thank god i ditched the course and went for chalet instead. pity it was just a one night stay. sigh! no matter, i learnt a lot about my team mates. the bond we have has definetly strengthen. so i also realize that the sauces i have at home are all very western. haha. hmm. we prepared the food at my house. created a big mess and killed cockroaches. heh. yea. we cycled hard and played uno attack real hard. lol. we are really a bunch of big kids. grins. i think my coaches like the arena shirts we gave them. we played with the kids, mingled with the adults. it was a team gathering. PURE FUN =))

here's the good thing, i have grown a little darker! haha! oh and i went to walk baby's doggie today. he's a cutie. omg, you know what really freaked me out? ronnie, baby's doggie, went bersak and kept clinging onto my leg. i think it was horny? wahahahhahaha! i later went to his house and kinda got hook on playing his game. hid mom gave my home made kaya and i think i;m addicted to it. oh no. i'm suppose to be getting that athlete body! HEE =P

things i'll never say.

i'm tugging at my hair
i'm pulling at my clothes
i'm tryin' to keep my cool
i know it shows
i'm staring at my feet
my cheeks are turing red
i'm searching for the words inside my head
i'm feeling nervous
tryin' to be so perfect
cos' i know you're worth it

walking on tiptoes.

im feeling happy.
im grinning from ear to ear.
i finally met his parents.
they were nice.
we had home cooked western meal by his mom.
it was fabulous.
i love dessert best of all.
yummy =)).
i can see myself living with his mom and dad.
haha.
for once i wanna be in his kitchen and learning to bake from his mom.
i love them.
but i think i was too shy though.
yea, so unlike me.
i wanna marry you baby.
i wanna be part of your family.




WITH YOU I CAN LET MY HAIR DOWN.
I CAN DO ANYTHING, CRAZY.
I KNOW YOU'LL CATCH ME RIGHT BEFORE I HIT THE GROUND.
WITH NOTHING BUT A TSHIRT ON.
I NEVER FELT SO BEAUTIFUL.
BABY AS I DO NOW.
NOW THAT IM WITH YOU.

=))

I GOT THE JOB AT POLICE ACADEMY AS A PART TIME LIFEGUARD.

going back in time.

the beatles.


classic.
those were the days where pure and real music existed.
soothing and certainly makes you dreamy.
at times, you just wanna get up on your toes and dance.
you would wanna go back in time and be dress in a flower print sun dress and just twirl under the sun in a big garden.



if only the world was so beautiful.
if only times were like the past.
uncomplicated and definitly not hectic.



you just feel more light hearted and simply feel like smiling istening to the beatles.
respectable and worth remembering.



i want to be in that flower print sun dress and be on my toes dancing now. =))

i am sam.

sweet and moving.
shows a loving relationship between a father and his daughter.




ive been truly touched. imagine a grown man with the ability of only a seven year old fighting for custody of his beloved daughter. i believe every parent be it mentally or physically capable should be given the full right to take care and give their love and concern to their child. i mean, so what if you arent born perfect? that doesnt mean you dont have feelings. sam is an exact example. though he has disabilities, he loves lucy. so much that he goes all out to do anything for her. he's willing to learn and accept new things. how many parents actually can do that? i think sam is really a wonderful father. he is now and always will be. alright, maybe the court is right. what will happen when lucy grows up and goes through puberty? she will obviously change. but i feel that no matter how lucy will eventually change, she'll still love her dad. isnt it human nature to have emotions? lucy will be grateful to her father. sam will always love lucy. that's the way things should go.




i love you mom and dad.

kiss and tell.

13/10/2005

daddy's out of the country.
russia.
haha.
lucky him.


bro's staying in colin's hostel tonight.
too quiet to be true.
*chuckles.


mum's watching the box.
no nagging tonight.
at least not yet.
*grins.

me?
i'm mugging.
just dropped by to add a senseless entry.
ciao! =))

daddy dearest,

if anything should happen to me in the near future, just remember that you once felt my love for you.
if you ever see me tear, leave me alone.
dont ask, for it may hurt more.
if you dont see the twinkle in my eyes no more, please know that ive tried my best.
if im not my usual bubbly self, please lend me a listening ear.
daddy dearest, you were always there for me but I just didnt know how to open up to you.
there's a lot of pain in me.
i tried to be your perfect little girl, but I guess it didnt work out.
i did all i could to make things right, but im getting really tired.
maybe im not trying hard enough or maybe things were just meant to be this way.
either way, i dont know how long more i can take this.
daddy dearest, i will always love you.
i couldnt ask for anything else.
you gave me everything i wanted.
but in return i have let you down.

gone are innocent lives.

bali bleeds again.
what's the world becoming to?
the once peaceful and safe world has been corrupted.
what's happening?
why has people change?
what has caused them to change?
what do these bombers want to sacrifice themselves?
what made them do it?
have they ever thought of the countless of innocent lives they would be takng along with them?
it's unfair.
these innocent lives were caught without warning.
they weren't given the chance to fulfil their dreams and say goodbye to their love ones.
among these precious lives, were the young and capable.
the thought of these tender lives being taken away, makes me tear.
children and teenagers are our future.
why harm them?
what have they done?
whatever happened to the love?
blood in the streets.
the sight of the affected area must have been disgusting and saddening.
bodies everywhere.
the worst thing to witness is a victim who's body is still intact but her face has been half blown away by the bomb.
she's moaning in pain, and each time she moans, blood squits out from her neck.
nothing can describe the pain and agony these victims were going through.
a beautiful little country turned into ashes with blood shed eveywhere within seconds by a powerful thing called a bomb.
perfect families broken apart.
happy holidays turned into a living nightmare.
it is no longer safe out there.
times have changed.
people have become more cunning.
it seems no one can be trusted.
it seems the world is coming to and end really soon.

from <3ing you.

i had you
i had everything
i ever needed


from my first look i knew
i found heaven in your eyes
but who was to know the way it would go
i have no regrets


i was loved
i was touched
and i learnt what love is


i was blessed
so blessed
cos' i learnt what love is
by loving you

i held you
i held everything
i ever dream of


with that first kiss from you
all this world seem so right
but who was to see the way it would be
i'll never forget
all the heaven we shared

/literature/

you know you love me.

ninety miles outside chicago.
can't stop driving,
i don't know why.
so many questions,
i need an answer.
two years later you're still on my mind.

i bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow.
watch the stars crash in the sea.
if i can ask god just one question.
why aren't you here with me.

someday we'll know if love can move a mountain.
someday we'll know why the sky is blue.
someday we'll know why i wasn't meant for you.

oneday i'll go dancing on the moon.
someday you'll that i was the one for you.

true love just once in a lifetime.
im speeding by the place that i met you for the ninety-seven time.

j u s t i n . z

looking at my brother work his arse off on his ibook, it makes me think of my life with him for the past sixteen years. My brother, unlike me, is a pure all rounder. Smart and sporty, he came from an unknown primary school, ChongSan Primary to Catholic High School to HwaChong Junior College and finally NTU. Sigh. My brother's from the Navy and his a really good athele. He plays soccer every week and goes jogging constantly. I used to hate having him as my brother. I thought it was so taxing on me. I mean think of it. Your sibling is what every parent wants and me? I turned out wrong. I used to cry over this. It felt so unfair to me. Why was it that my brother has the brains and I'm so not academically inclined? Nights of pondering and years of crying has finally made me accepted the fact that everyone is different. Though my mom has always been telling me this, I refuse to listen. But now, I do. I've learnt not to compare myself with my brother. I'm proud of him now. The thought of him as my brother, my closest sibling makes me smile. Justin, a first year NTU student taking mass communication. =)) I love my brother. No matter how we fight and yell at each other, there will always be this bond between us. I really think my brother is unique. His the kind of guy who loves to protect the environment and constantly watches the discovery channel. He reads magazines like times that my journalist father reads. My brother is very into politics. I think it's cool, having a brother lke him. I really admire him. He's the guy who looks like any other guy from the outside, but I know that many things are going on in his mind. He's a really positive man. My brother has influenced me in many ways. He thought me to play english chess and he was the one who gave me a book by Richard Carlson entitled "Don't sweat the small stuffs". He was also the guy who went to taiwan and bought me a pair of sneakers which was a size bigger. You see, all these things put a goofy smile on my face. Don't be deceived by my brother's intellectual mind and tann looks. He's really a kid at heart. Although he's smart and all, he still goes crazy like me at times. We are still our parents little treasure at home. In one way or another, we resemble each other. I'm definitely thankful for having my brother.

the night.

im upset.
so few people turned up for training today.
oh well...
i wasnt feeling too good anyway.
think i was spreading my germs around.
muahaha.
sneezing and coughing.
lol.
my legs are on the verge of breaking now.
freaking shagged.
walked too much.
swam too hard.
hahas.

oh hey...
yea...thanks gladys for doing up my blog.
credits go to you.
hmm.
ohh...except the part about you being my bestest cousin and how i love you.
sick.
muahahaha.

ciaos people!

saturday day out.

arrwww...i just so love my sugar.
see. he's so cute.
hahas.
we were eating rosti outside bugis junction today in the afternoon.
the sun never felt so good.
hmm.
i gave my baby a locket to wear for our one year anniversary.
his was an oval rectangular shape.
mine is a heart shape.
i kinda thought it would look weird for him to wear a heart shape on his neck.
heh.
now we gotta find the perfect picture to fit into our lockets.
i love my baby.
we look good together.
*grins =))

HATE.

my prelims finally OFFICIALLY ended on today, friday, 23rd of september 2005. =))
damn. i was so freaking confident about my accouts paper two. i really was. totally.
but the moment i opened the damn paper, i knew right from that fucking moment i was gonna screw up real bad. shitty. cursing.
unreasonable.
pride.
damn.
what the hell is wrong?
physco.
the paper was ridiculously difficult. what the hell. half the things i practiced for didnt show up on that freaking paper. dumb.
i dont understand. why is her setting of the paper so different from the rest of the schools?
whtever that came out for the other schools, i've seen it and done it.
i did my part. it isnt fair.

im gonna flunk my POA.
this is sick.
i was crying my eyes out on friday.
i feel so useless.
many a times i've had this thought.
why is it that i am hardworking and studious but yet i always produce so little result?
sigh.
i wanna give up at times. i cant stand it.
why cant i study?

today i hate being me.
today i curse.
today i cry.
today i hope and pray for a better me.

you dont know how much you mean to me.
whenever you're down you know that you can lean on me.
no matter the situation.
boy im gonna hold you down.

WEDNESDAY the "13".

bad day.
for starters, i woke up late and had to rush to school for my mock math examination.
man was i panicking, shuffling everything that seemed useful to me into my bag.
my dad wasnt helping either. he was yelling and telling me how much i deserved to be late.
LOL. like what the hell...
anyway, i was too busy panicking to curse or swear.
i got to school on time thanks to the cab my dad booked. you know like JUST NICE.
haha.
and guess what, like that wasnt BAD enough, i thought my handphone walked out of my life.
i had initially thought that i had left my celly in the cab.
damn. so there i was, desperately calling my celly hoping that the cabby caught attention of it or somethin'.
and then, a "miracle" happened.
casselyn and leekiang STROLLED in CALMLY and kinda gave me a "LAUGHING" look.
and the next thing i knew, cass took out my celly and like "surprised" me. erm...WOW?
this is actually what really happened. My cell phone had dropped onto the road/pavement (that colourful brick like thing outside the freakily small canteen) and they had "so happened" walked in at "the right time".
hahaha.
whatever.
thanks guys. thanks to you peeps my cell phone "re-entered" my life and thanks to you guys that it didnt get squash under some big fat wheel. lala~
oohh..and i had the most lessons today. i mean for the hols. yea.
ended school around 3pm and I had to take a cab down with ALEXIUS FERNANDEZ to novena for POA tution that ended at 530pm.
yawns. im so shagged.
stopping here for the moment.
yea yea.
like...
SING FOR THE MOMENT.
heh.

WE BELONG TOGETHER. =)) *grins

my TRIP to singapore polytechnic.

i was there for about half a day.
from like 1 to 5pm.
gosh. it sure was tiring.
not that we actually did much, but sitting around and listening to talks are DRAINING.
LOL.
well, we had a little tour around parts of the school today.
humid day. i was getting so irritated. dumb weather. *growls
i remember climbing up many stairs. yea. i thought i was going to die. shouldnt have wore heels. =/
i didnt see jinyi or arens anywhere. haha.
not that i expected to in that LARGE compound.
wanted to go home with jinyi but my friend's dad offered and i had to take it before i fainted on the spot.
lala~
i was exhausted and as if that wasnt bad enough, i had a headache.
thank goodness i didnt throw up or somethin'.
ohh...and guess what?
i won a PRIZE!
SP gift.
you know what the question was?
"which MRT is nearest to singapore polytechnic?"
everyone yelled dover mrt.
but me???
i RAISED my hand up.
teehee~ =))
and that's why i won the prize.
HAHA!
yea yea...i know...im so SMART.
muahahahahaha.
anyway, i realised how scary poly life really is.
ya..it's fun and all but imagine, you, a little small fry running around in an extremely big campus filled with hundreds peeps?
grr...haha.
gotta go!
dinner's finally ready.
ciao!!

i went to heaven and touched the sky.

5mins47secs.

yupps. there you have it.
i passed my timing!
*big fat grins =))
yiipppeee!!!
hahas.
distinction award...here i come!!!
LOL.

one LIFE. LIVE it.

this is ben khong.
he left lifesaving.
all because of A levels.
this is bunny bun bun (haha!) at uncle patrick's house.
this is the back view of his shirt.
cool.
i like it.

bittersweet dried up roses.

ive been looking at the bunch of dried roses on my table. bittersweet memories come flooding back. sigh. i cant type it out here though. it wouldnt seem appropriate.

ever wondered why it's always roses that are given out on valentines day?

i love roses even if it isnt my favourite flower.

fascinating the way it is. the deep red petals and long thorny stalk. red says of sweetness and perhaps another darker side. one that it doesnt reveal. it's like a human. everyone wears a mask. sugary and sweet are many of us on the outside. devilish and wild is the other side of us deep down. as beautiful as in may seem, a rose pricks like a human does too. be careful where you touch or you may get hurt. as each petal falls to the ground and the rose slowly wither, the human loses it's youth and grows weaker. the more dried up a rose is, the more harmless it is.

a rose is a rose is a rose......

GONE GOING GONE EVERYTHING GONE GIVE A DAMN.

yawns.

it's teachers' day. yea...like WOW. haha. so like i decided to come home from school first so i could put my stuff down and take a bath. and now, im still HERE...at home. im suppose to be out. haha. i mean on the way back to rosyth. lala~ im so tired. i only caught two hours of sleep last night. whatever. i better hurry and get ready. im so outta here-

mad mad rush.

ive got about ten cards to make for tomorrow, and ive only done three by now.
im gonna scream.
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

prelim science practical.

i totally screwed it all up. i didn't even complete my physics practical. crap. oh well...what's done can't be undone. haha. anyways, i had a really shitty headache today. probably because i breathe in too much weird stuff from mixing chemicals. haa. kiddin'. like if it was really because of the chemicals, i wouldn't be the only one with a splitting headche.

so yea, it was a usual boring day. exam in the morning and math tution in the afternoon. still, i'm freaking shagged.

=) yupps, this is my first entry of my new bloggie!!! lala~ let's hope i don't give up on this blog! i mean after all, the last few blogs i created all went to waste. i just couldn't keep them......well. *grins.

cheers everyone. have a lovely night.