music: secondhand serenade: why

midweek, wednesday one again. the difference is that school's out and we all have a week's break. i have no idea if i should be relief or not. fyp report, interview coding/decoding, work, coaching and what not..bummer? haha. was supposing to meet rachelle and sam to club tonight but the idea has been ditched because poor sam has worked herself sick. (get well sammie!) anyways, i've been under the weather a lil' too. this stupid dry cough of mine is itching the hell outta my throat.

to date, i swear i feel so fuggly :( i'm officially fat and unfit. i wanna, wanna so bad get up and burn it all off but something in me is pulling me down. arrgghh!! i so don't wanna grow fat and ugly and not be able to swim no more. i really really ought to do something...like NOW!

this morning when i was on tower, there was this 3 hot french women (least i think they were fench) who had uber hot bods and awesome assets and tann. the point is, 2 of them were wearing bikini thongs and sunbathing topless. for a moment, i just looked on and just sat there being so envious of them. (i know that's like really pathetic) and before i went over to advuse them to cover up, i decided to do a little 'test'. i wanted to see how horny and perverted men were. and my 'experiment' proved me to be right! all the men that were walking by all stared at the ladies. like really stare can! there was this super disgusting guy whom i swear was about to drool, who actually kept walking around them in circles just to check out their boobies. sick right? sigh! men. not shy at all..openly stare..what more i was on tower looking at them! so i guess there should have been pretty much aware that i could see what they were doing. MEN. sigh.

lately, we've been having stupid squabbles and i don't like them as much as you hate them too. i wish you wouldn't have reacted the way you did on the phone just now. :(

i hate myself for being such a fool in love with you.
to wake early in the morning missing you.
to keep calling and texting you.
to keep crying over you and to blame myself all over again.
and then i sit alone and wonder why i always bother to put on a brave front amongst others but crumble like a loser at home alone.

and then i start to wonder why i was brought into this world for. with no parents to give warmth love, brother to share my stories and lover to be truthful.

music: india.arie: the heart of the matter

wednesday. no classes and no fyp meeting. i took the time to sit back and relax a little. as much as i tried to do my fyp, i don't exactly think that i accomplished much. and then i headed down to kallang basin swimming complex mid afternoon when it was raining to did some booking for my LS instructor test/ students. met up with jeremy and boy! has it been sometime since we last met but he's still as 'black' as ever!! haha. bummer. nothing much has been happening and i wonder sometimes why my life is so stagnant. haa! till the extent that i changed my toe nail colour twice today just cos' i couldn't decide what colour to paint. hmm..i actually think that i should keep my nails painted they look so dry and ulgy..unglam in other words. now as i sit typing out this entry, i'm thinking how fat and unfit i've become since season ended. arrgghh! i swear i really have to get up and do something about the flabs.



so i've been thinking a lil' and i realise how much i should open up my <3>

'i've been learning to live without you now, but i miss you sometimes.

the more i know, the less i understand, all the things i thought i knew, i'm learning them again.

i've been trying to get down, to the heart of the matter, but my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter but i think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness.

even if, even if, you don't love me anymore.'

music: a1: ready or not

old school songs that we grew up listening to. we were all getting swayed singing to these songs in class yesterday. awesome-O. haha.

what if i said i was so afraid to meet you personally just to return stuffs? would you laugh or would you been so pleased to know how much of an impact that you had created on me? i'd like to say that i'm over and have moved on cos' i guess, i really do wanna be gone with the wind on yesterdays.

looking back, i now pretty much believe on how 'once it's broken, the crack will always be there and nothing can mend it back to perfection' so with that thought in mind, i guess i made it through and moved on. i can't deny that vivid memories still linger on. i do still talk about it and friends have forced me to stop. they try so hard to help me go on. b has been patient hearing all about you too i guess.

anyways, i'm glad we chatted cos' it meant a lot to me. it seems like the air has cleared and maybe, just maybe i can face you and feel fine now.

hello world, today i make a vow, to never leave my friends and love one behind. striking a balance and be the best that i can give.

xoxo

yet again, our ig has been bann...yes..cos' of the retard slipper issue. bummer. so here i am, sitting at the table alocated just above the pool. i've been sitting here since 530pm, doing my rj and fyp log. of course, i did side tracked and facebook around while browsing through blogs. arrghh! all these distractions. haha. and then i took a break to pee and keep the juniors shirts in the cage. and so now it's 7.30 and b just called to say he's just done. whhee! can't wait to manja :)

IVP swimming weekend.

it isn't something i've been training hard for and it isn't something that i was all that excited about for. it was merely a swimming competition, in which i had no specific goals except to just finish the race and perhaps, have a better timing as compared to existing ones.

and yes, i've been there and done that. i swam and i survived.
50m butterfly: 44s
4x50m medley
4x50m freestyle

:)

i'm no swimmer and definitely not a sprinter. but i'm glad i went for ivp this weekend. no regrets but yet another awesome story added to my chapters.

b, thanks for being there through out. it's weird how i liked your prescence being there today. i mean, i've never really got used to the idea of having my other be there to watch me race. but i liked and appreciate it b. <3

memories of STA.

it took me so long to express, but i really miss my directing and performance class. like really i do. i miss the classes and what i learn, plus, i miss my ex-classmates. it was a whole bunch of friends. unlike the SHL peeps, this bunch were of different likings and character. it was simply different but really fun-filled. no one judged, not at all. pictures speak a thousand words, so here goes:
we were everywhere. i mean classes were held almost everywhere. the 'hangar' (studio), TRCC and our classrooms of course. we played with all kind of toys, from the camera to the macs in school. this are things i could never get to do in SHL classes. i'll keep the memories :)

5th october 2008: BBQ at ECP

the bloodly pit that had required us to walk so freaking far to get to it.fat kitty i wanna sue your relative back in tioman for scratching me and blood lost.ben-ni!angmoh.guys making small talk.thomas's grand arrival.our great chef for the night, bear2.more small talks.hello baby!yesshhh..the food:)ping2 and i!act cute boys.we were busy BBQing!tassie tas! don't show off your backside!adrian forever trying to be funny.rigth..so everyone was helping out.......to eat.err..hungry ghost festival ended already so chill out people!all these people keep stealing food only.jason!ian and me!happy family :)






yet another gathering. bbq style at ECP. sebby's going into army on thursday. i hope he takes care.