music: jennifer lopez: hold you down

all this make pretend of having it all in me, killed me. there now, catch me unintended again?

love is when you eat the egg whites and i take the yolks.

i am afraid that i'll never know how to be in love again.

i guess that really is the easiest way to put it through for people to undestand. tell me i derserve it, tell me it's karma, tell me that i am a bitch, a slut, what not, judge me till no end, tell me i will always be alone. i shouldn't be bothered with what others say, i should only be bothered and care for my friends. but how when i am so conscious? how when i seek acceptance in others?

but then it happened and i managed to learn to let it all go. once and the first time in my life, i can breathe easy and tell myself that it doesn't matter how everyone else in the world perceives me to be. i just need my friends to know the truth and trust me. i shouldn't let others get me down and decide my life.

so why when i feel that i can focus and let in again that things don't go my way? life really is unfair isn't it? im beginning to think that there is no point in changing for the better anymore. nothing will work out, when i thought i had it, it slipped right through so easily. in life, i try and try to be better, to make things work out but what has all these done for me? im not sure, but just that i am so paranoid now, so guarded, so afraid to let in all too soon. it's like i have this wall built around me now in which it takes forever or perhaps never to tear it down. i dont wanna keep holding it all up and having to be all proper. i wanna laugh and be really happy. i wanna cry like i mean it and i wanna love like romeo and juliet. i guess im saying that my feelings are numb. i'm scared that i can't find the right ways to feel no more.

it took forever, but i thought now i am ready. but it's just gone.

bored studying but this is my life.

im tired until wanna die kind of tired. anhb1101 i must conquer you. monday's practical and friday's theory paper. long long way to the finishing line. bored bored bored. cannot give up now.

'you gave my life direction, a game show love connection'

music: robyn: dancing on my own.

i am only human and i am ever growing and learning. i have made unwise decisions that hurt others and in turn hurt myself but i can only ask for forgiveness and apologise and of course change for the better. i may take awhile or perhaps a longer time but i only want to be better, i only want for people to like me. i earnestly just want to be good inside and out, i dont wanna cheat or lie or hurt anyone. i may have done so, not once or twice but it was stupid mistakes and i can vouch that it was me being unable to cope maturely and logically with situations. but i am growing up and i want to make it perfect.

i wanna stop dancing on my own. i wanna stop being messed up and out of line. i dont wanna be in the corner anymore. i wanna stop giving my all but have nothing good back.

i want to make a productive change. i wanna be on top of myself. to be able to look back from now on and have no regrets. to be able to be pure sincere and happy. to everyone i have crossed paths with, i apologise for the unhappy moments and i wanna thank you for all the happy ones. some may not have made it but im glad if we still remained as friends and yes, bygones be gone, forgive and forget, let's move on to be better.

i can understand the meaning of it was all back then when we were young and foolish. i can understand what is giving chances even if it is hard. i can understand that there is no point being angry all my life and bearing hatred.

forgive me, i am human and i will be better.

i'm in the corner, watching you kiss her

i'm right over here, why can't you see me

i'm giving it my all, but i'm not the girl you're taking home

i keep dancing on my own

i'm just gonna dance all night

i'm all messed up, i'm out of line

stilettos and broken bottles

i'm spinning around in circles

what's up with teens killing and stabbing others? not cool. perhaps they would live in regrets and only realise their actions after. stupid action and utterly selfish. taking the life of another just because of a small disagreement? then again, no matter how big the issue, it doesn't give one the right to stab another. this boy had a life ahead of him and so do you. but because of stupid impulsive actions, now everyone else suffers.

SI practical exam today!
last quiz for anbh1101 today!
i want to gagg and die cos i dont feel prepared for anything.

take a chance and dont ever look back.

the weekend.

swimming ivp at sports school.

christina.cassandra.

friday.

dinner with jim and minhui.