because humans can be so mean and say the nastiest things.

music: taylor swift: safe and sound

because it can't be true, good things don't happen to me. because of everything that has happened, it has scarred me. never really knew how bad but i realize now. these walls, these walls that i have built they won't come down as much as i want them to now. and the people around me, i'm not sure that they can help me. because this monster i have inside of me, it holds me back, it controls my mind and it really fucks me up. i try to let go, i really try but it's so hard. how do people walk away just like that, how do people change all too suddenly. i'm scared that i'll mess you up, i am scared that if that happens we won't have what we have now anymore. i am scared of everything that's to do with you. if i mess up, i'll be ruining everything and i'll be picking up the pieces again. if i can prevent that why not right? but my mind's kinda hazy now and my feelings are way too strong. i'm letting you in but i'm so afraid, i don't know if i can trust myself to not mess things up.

how much do i want this? 


so bad that i've spent my life working up to it. it's like a dedication i sworn myself to and an dying passion that i live by. i may not have had a great start compared to others but i started from ground zero. i've built what i have around me today and i think i earned all of it, all through sheer hard work. never slacking off but only wanting more. 


i want to be surrounded by the right people, the kind who will push me to be better and support me on my journey. the kind who believe in me and the kind who will always have that confidence in me. i trust people, i don't need you to spoon feed me but i just want you recognize what i have done and will be doing. it's important to me that people see what i do because one day i want to be an inspiration.