music: janet jackson featuring kanye west: my baby

music: pussycat dolls: out of this club

i used to think that there would come the day when i found you and we would be at a party filled with friends. and if this song came on, you would pull me close in and we would just get lost in a slow dance with each other. it would be a moment where even though the room is filled, the only people we could see or bother about is just you and i.

I feel swamped and overwhelmed. I require a timeout.

music: drew ryniewicz: baby

music: melanie c: never be the same again

music: jessica simpson: i belong to me

you know what, i hate when i have all these uneasy feelings and i start to worry. screw it all, i shouldn't need to feel insecure because i know i can do better so screw all of you.

music: across the universe: i want to hold your hand

dear n, i remember when we were crazy over renting dvds at the small dvd mart just downstairs your place. almost every weekend we'd be picking shows together and then heading back up to your place to spend usually a lazy sunday afternoon away in each others embrace laughing or crying to whatever the show brought us to. it was simple and fun. we'd talk about the show after and sometimes it made us reflect on life together and sometimes it got us madly emotional that we would learn to appreciate each other more. then there were also times where i would insist in renting a scary show to watch at night just because i like it and you would make me stay over because you wouldn't be able to sleep alone in your room after.

i remember the bucket list, across the universe, the notebook and there were so may more...

we watched 'the notebook' the night before you were going for your rugby camp and for some reason or whatsoever, i got very emotionally upset and then i'd told you that i would love for you to be able to catch me one day as i run towards you and jump on you to give you a hug and a kiss to tell you how much i'ved missed you, just like in the show. i think it was then that i realize how much you meant to me and i didn't want to let you go. you then gave me a letter and thankfully it got me through the days without you.

it was always the small things that you did that got me weak in the knees and my heart bursting with all the love in the world. the cute scribblings and drawings you would leave me now and then, making me breakfast in the mornings when i stay over and just the feeling of knowing that you wanted me around to watch your games made me beam and contented. as young as i may have been, i knew it was right and i knew this was what i wanted. the good days were when we would laugh all day long and hold each other without a care at all as to what people may think of us and then we'd fall asleep in that comforting same position at night.

amazing how these memories stay with me after so many years, i don't know why either. i guess i've wished after it all ended that if only i had met you later in my life, maybe i would have seen the good in it all and learn to treasure it all the time. you see the thing with you was it was nice to be able to feel proud sitting in the stands and watching you play well during your games and having you did the same back to me. it was nice knowing that i had you to complete me because we could talk and you never ran away from anything. those were the good days, where i never liked cats but got used to tiesto being around.

music: katy perry: the one that got away

happy nervous thoughts with a calm self tonight.

music: parachute: forever and always

is it weird that i can feel so much for just a song?

'so what we get drunk

so what we smoke weed

we're just having fun

we don't care who sees

so what we go out

that's how its suppose to be

living young and wild and free'

-forever and always.

hello you, do you remember me? we were friends, good friends in fact but i have no idea to whatever happened to us. the distance is evident, the tension is weird and we don't even talk anymore. it breaks my heart, i've never had a friend come into my life and walk away. i treasure each and everyone of you and i still wonder what went wrong. i always will i guess, i miss you. i feel the hurt and it pains me to look at photos that we have together. those were the days when we all got along and shared laughters. those were the days when i felt like my life was complete because i had friends like you with me. but it was all gone too soon. i'll always be affected by you. they say that this is part and parcel of growing up and we all have to suck it up and move along. i'll always wish you the very best and i'll always be looking out for you. no matter how hurt or angry i may be at you, i'll always be more than happy if you come back. but till then, i've learnt to let go.