friends are forever.

wednesday always means that i can sleep in a lil' and take my time to get things done and also have fun with mermaid.


today, i had met jess and glenn at ikea for a quick lunchie where we had meatballs (YUM!) and hotdogs. we then headed to queensway shopping mall cos' jess had wanted to look at VANS shoes and i wanted to check out cross-training shoes as well. we checked out almost all the stalls and even had time for ice-cream break at mac :D well, jess couldn't actually find any shoes that suited her liking, (there weren't even much choices to begin with) and so she ended up buying other stuffs. did i mention, i absolutely loved the red hoodie that she bought! (maybe cos' it was red) anyways, i settled for a red and grey oascids sports shoe and guess what? one of our own rp student served me! it wasn't that i knew him or whatsoever, but since glenn was wearing out rp lifesaving singlet, he recognised it and he was super nice and friendly can! for that, i got a great pricing for the shoes! (big *grins) after all that shopping, we went to school for training as usual. sheeshh...oh and i realize that i really have to get my own personal fins since the one in school has been shared around and has thus, expanded and has become too big for me. holy crackery moley!!! i've got like so little time can!


and here's rachel chiam and i again, trying so hard till today to get a picture perfect together:

shot number one, with jenny trying to squeeze her face in without luck.

shot number two where we got jenny to take the photo for us.

shot number three, where this time, xan tried to stick her head in.

and these were weeks before:

oh and yesterday, jason came to rp and i just couldn't help but notice the effort that he had took to made his hair so.....STYLE AHH!

you made me grow up so much.
you made me see too much as well.
i'll take you once, i'll take you once again the right way this time around.
i love your toy, and i'll keep lovin' it.
babes, it means no more because i've got a heart of protected with layers of walls.

and the swim that meant something...or so i think.

the girls with an attitude: jen, jess, shuci, me and xan.
the team that swam their hearts out on saturday for a purpose :)
and then to AMK's mac to makan! chris, me and weisi.
jenny, shuci and me. happy bithday!we then surprised shuci with a slice of oreo cheesecake with a lit up candle and all. and the nice nice people of mac were so sweet as to add on to the decor of the cake!

fatigue.

tuesday, i went to swim and then jog after school with yikai and peggy.
we hit the fitness corner too, doing sit ups, incline pull ups and push ups.
loves. i actually have not a clue if im addicted.

and then on the bus ride home, i was looking through glen's ipod and picking out songs that i wanted so he could send me. (thanks in advance glen!)

oh and this morning, i met narene on the way to sch :D.
phheewwwhhee~
that girl arr...dont know if she is really shy or what, but she was so funny la.
and then she ditched me to skip school with her friends.
shheesshh..haha...

and after ages, i finally decide to bring the 'i <3 newyork' t-shirts to school for my darling classmates. bit by bit that is.










and when the thought of it keeps playing in my mind over and over again, i wonder where'd you really went. you were never brutal, till now.

lovin' my school yo.

republic polytechnic.

team republic.

school of sports health and leisure (SHL).

whatever you call it.

this school rocks sugar!

i've grown so much.

i can see the difference between myself and others from other institutions.

i like the idea of having a say in things.

i love how i work my arse off and people credit me :) (cheers to that)

brag 2007 (swimming)

we owed it big time!

we've got a first positioning for the following events:

-breaststroke relay

-freestyle relay

-individual men (free)

not to mention, we got a third for individual women too! (my champion, minhui, great job babes)

ahh...overall still..SHL we rock pebbles!

the after brag cam-whoring with xan and chris:

and my babe sam again:

oh and last friday, when we went to SunLove Home once again, i snapped a quick photo with Max, who has mental disabilities. He was such a darling :)

and ive finally mastered the 'art' of tying french plaits on my very own!

brag 2007.

it's 2:56pm on my lappy's clock.

clive's talking away like he always does.
loves it, his module. clive rocks.
he's realistic, no lies.

brag swimming is in a couple of hours.
i feel jumpily tired.



'everything's changing, when i turn around, all out of my control...'

it stings like a bumble bee.

and sometimes, people get tired, drained and they lose out.




hearing the silence, hearing the peace around, i so am not use to all these.





i remember the cartoons at my crib, i remember the smell of you. i remember when daddy saw.


i remember the bus rides and so much more. i wanna love you still, i wanna believe in you but babe, your actions prove so otherwise. it is the end, we know it, so why cant you tell me straight. why cant u come up to me in the face and say babe it's gone. maybe i'll smile or cry, but i would make me feel better. at least i know sweet that it is from you. i dont wanna hear no others. i wanna just sit like a crying child in a corner and hide my face. i wanna cry babe, i wanna scream it all out. everyday just makes me bleed more. ive become numb to the pain.





please dont hurt others too. my poor girl doesnt deserve this too.





today, i laughed, but it felt all too fake.





today, my girl mich msned me. we chatted and decided to meet next tues. everyone seems to be having guy problems.





i have a problem i realise. i cant trust guys no more.


i gave you my all babe. you threw me away, like an unwanted rag doll.





iheartyou



and words cant describe how much i love you mates. chucky, song and jas :)

when all falls apart.

thursday.

late for school and i cabbed down.
mom woke me up, but lazy me just wanted to sleep in.
ok, my bad.

im trying to forget, but it still is lingering.
you hurt one, too many.
someone said i looked happier yesterday. i said, "am i faking it?".

once in awhile, you miss your friends so damn much.
im feeling it now. my sweet sweet baby, dawn, i miss you my babe.

as we grow up, we get tied up with silly lil' things.

and i wish away the pain.

that orange dress.
i wore today.


that saturday, shiqin, steph, mei and i were together.
we had gossips love.


that sunday, you walked by me.
it hurt as usual.


today is monday, and i still havent found myself.


yesterday, the patrol flay made my left feet bleed.
it hurts like crap when i walk still.


i cant eat still.

sad songs.

"now our loves floating out the window...our loves floating out the back door...our loves floating up in the sky..."




make me feel dizzy, make me feel that warm fuzzy feeling all over again.

happy posts :)

"tonight tonight, i'm gonna make it right, even heros can get lucky sometimes."

the day i died.

wednesday again. i had intented to go tann at sentosa. you were suppose to come, but things changed. it rained and i forced myself to just sleep. the longs hours of so called rest though, just didn't seemed enough. i still feel tired, restless and helpless.

today, i realize that jasmine is in the same boat as me. poor girl, poor me.



"flames to dust, lovers to friends, why do all good things things come to an end?"

and all i do is to pick it up and turn it around, making the glittery hearts float around and around and around. and all i do is to go through the cards over and over again.

yesterday, i told grayson that the jin he knew then and how has changed. i think ive grown up.

today, i had sports business and when the window had popped up, it had lifted my mood so much. but, it was never meant to be. alone alone alone.

i think ive made an effort. what else is there for me to do babes?

i cry myself to sleep still. i havent had a good sleep for some time. when will things be better?

gary isnt around this whole week and yikai, peggy and i went to jog today. it was hard. my throat was so dry and bitter. i felt like crying. i think im falling sick. love sick i wonder.

tomorrow is another off day. what can i do? time alone sounds great, but i know the nasty thoughts that would fill my head. baby baby, come swipe me off my feet please oh please.

ive been implusive and obviously thinking with a polluted mind. there are things i wish i remembered or wish i never did and said, but what can i do to make you love me now? im squeezing my already fragile heart and racking my brains, constantly blaming myself for eveything. i want you so bad and i know i'd wait and wait and wait and things would never be right.

loads of other guys could whisper sweet nothings into my ears now and i would be numb. i dont wanna hear these things, i wont wanna be loved by another but just you.

it's been a week and i still ask myself why i feel likle this. Ive never seen or even known this side of me existed. I whine, i try to cry, i overwork myself, i fake laughters and pretend to me the girl that isnt me at all. im telling the world that i am alright, i am telling the world that even the happiest person dont show their sorrow sometimes.

i find myself staring into nothing, looking at couples and thinking i could have been like this. i find myself hating the lonely rides and always yearning for the eagerness to hold you. i find myself doing the silliest things for you, but you dont see it. i find myself doing so much, things that you dislike, i dont do them no more. just so you love me more. but it is all too late.

ive given the thought of being in love with the real one up. im being someone that i aint. i dont speak to those who adore me, reason being, i want them to move on so much. i know how much of a lover i can be and i think that if anyone deserves better, it shouldnt be me. maybe this decision that i have choosen for myself would do me much good. i dont know.

in the mean time, im still head over heels for you boy.

i ran a thousand miles :)

gary made us train for the race next friday for fear that we would come in last.

so we put on our shoes and jogged.

it felt good i guess, to sweat it out.

with my ipod on, it took my worries away for the time being.

it felt like i could breathe again.

yikai was nice to pace with me :) thanks dude, i know i can count on you.

as life goes on for me, i have realize the new responsibilities that I have now and i really have been earnestly trying to learn to cope with them.

my dearest classmates who was also my team mate for events and facilities and management module keep doing the lamest things today, or rather, everyday. i guess he has been making laugh a lot la and that is good? or is it all too fake?

anyways, BOON and SHAM, I OVERTOOK you GUYS arr!!!! :D

today i texted you, today you replied, it makes me smile.

tomorrow, tomorrow, i will cheer my lungs out for you sexy boys :)

i have nightmares of you psuhing me away.
i was crying myself to sleep, and i woke up still crying.
i wonder if i cried while sleeping too.
no one is telling me anything.
why is no one telling me that you still need me?

I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I NEED A CURE FOR THIS ACHE.

dear babes,

sorry babes.

i try and i try to cry, but the tears ain't flowing no more. i feel so bad. i feel too hurt, too much pain to say anything. im bleeding inside, can anyone tell? i save lives, but yet i cant save myself. tell me why you did all those things, tell me everything, i want to build a world around you. i wanted to feel loved like you had once said.

dear world, now i look at myself in the mirror and wonder what is wrong with me. i tell myself to wake up and move on like you have, but im stuck. i dont want no one's help. i yearn so much to be loved and be craddled in your arms. but no, i will not get them no more.

and so i sit and watch on as you move along with life, ive been sitting here, havent you noticed? ive been the one who screams and shed the tears. ive been that invinsible girl who sits around and watch you, the one who so wanted to make things right. why didnt you wait babe? why didnt you wait for me?

im finally feeling the tears. in seconds, i'll be crying. ive really built a wall around my heart that will only break apart for you. it sucks and you may hate it, but i cant help it. ive got a queue babes, but i see only you.

there are like a hundred things that i so want to tell you, but i know you wont be there to listen anymore. you'll be tied up, in the arms of another. im chucked aside like a rag doll.

i want to whisper i love you over and over again, i want to hold you close and run my fingers through your hair. i want the most to lean in deep and breathe in your smell. it had always been comforting, so right.

my stomach feels hungry no more. im frowning too much. my mind is spinning and i just want to keep crying.

i pray for something to happen, i pray for you. i tell myself that im ok, that i'll get throught this, but i know i wont.

today, i did something right. i made myself feel respected.

babes, i miss you.