and all i do is to pick it up and turn it around, making the glittery hearts float around and around and around. and all i do is to go through the cards over and over again.

yesterday, i told grayson that the jin he knew then and how has changed. i think ive grown up.

today, i had sports business and when the window had popped up, it had lifted my mood so much. but, it was never meant to be. alone alone alone.

i think ive made an effort. what else is there for me to do babes?

i cry myself to sleep still. i havent had a good sleep for some time. when will things be better?

gary isnt around this whole week and yikai, peggy and i went to jog today. it was hard. my throat was so dry and bitter. i felt like crying. i think im falling sick. love sick i wonder.

tomorrow is another off day. what can i do? time alone sounds great, but i know the nasty thoughts that would fill my head. baby baby, come swipe me off my feet please oh please.