ive been implusive and obviously thinking with a polluted mind. there are things i wish i remembered or wish i never did and said, but what can i do to make you love me now? im squeezing my already fragile heart and racking my brains, constantly blaming myself for eveything. i want you so bad and i know i'd wait and wait and wait and things would never be right.

loads of other guys could whisper sweet nothings into my ears now and i would be numb. i dont wanna hear these things, i wont wanna be loved by another but just you.

it's been a week and i still ask myself why i feel likle this. Ive never seen or even known this side of me existed. I whine, i try to cry, i overwork myself, i fake laughters and pretend to me the girl that isnt me at all. im telling the world that i am alright, i am telling the world that even the happiest person dont show their sorrow sometimes.

i find myself staring into nothing, looking at couples and thinking i could have been like this. i find myself hating the lonely rides and always yearning for the eagerness to hold you. i find myself doing the silliest things for you, but you dont see it. i find myself doing so much, things that you dislike, i dont do them no more. just so you love me more. but it is all too late.

ive given the thought of being in love with the real one up. im being someone that i aint. i dont speak to those who adore me, reason being, i want them to move on so much. i know how much of a lover i can be and i think that if anyone deserves better, it shouldnt be me. maybe this decision that i have choosen for myself would do me much good. i dont know.

in the mean time, im still head over heels for you boy.