hmm.

i am counting down to the hours of yet another exam. i am sleep deprived, badly.

never knew i could hurt like this

and everyday life goes on

i wish i could talk to you for awhile

miss you but i try not to cry

as time goes by

still i'd give the world to see your face

and be right here next to you

but it's like you're gone too soon

now the hardest thing to do

is say bye

you never got a chance to see how good i've done

and you never got to see me back at number one

i wish that you were here to celebrate together

i wish that we could spend the holidays together

it' so hard to accept that you are gone forever

sometimes it's ok to fall back and remember memories.

it's only normal.

but right now, i don't really wanna remember the sweet and bitter moments.

it's still so hurtful.

i'd rather become the tin man with no heart.

i'd rather be the emo kid who sits at the corner and speaks to no one.

i'm tired of being happy when it's only for the moment.

tired of working so hard when i dont know where it'd go in the end.

give me a break from being all perky and jumpy.

i miss a part of myself.

i've finally had enough.

i am about to close the doors to another chapter and embak on a brand new one. this one's gonna be though but i'm gonna make the best of it to pull through. i dont wanna need anybody by me no more.


but tonight i'm loving me.

i'll make a promise to myself today.


no matter how much i have screwed up, i will learn and be better for i am not perfect and it'll never be too late to change if i want to.
no matter how much people may judge and be unkind, i will brave it all and be alright for life is too short to worry way too much about everything and it really is hard to please everyone all the time.



i will lead my life as best as i can and as true as it will be.
i'm starting with the man in the mirror and i'm asking him to change his ways. i'll do just that.

i held it in for so long, so why did i break down now again.
i cried hard, i cried so hard.

the way you act towards me now it amazes me really. it's as if nothing ever happened between us at all. it's like you were never a major bastard to me. i deserve more than a sorry. you will never mend the pieces back. it'll always be broken. then again, you'll never find the courage at all to look me in the eyes and apologize. you will always pretend that were are ok and we are friends. i really dont know how you get by life being this way but yea if you are cool with it, i'll do my best to not are. you have no idea how disgusting you really are and how many people you have hurt. you'll never be an angel, not at all. with all the sins i have made, you are way worst of them me. at least i tried to give you all that i could, i was sincere. as for you, it was always all words. if the world knew what you have done to me, they would be on my side without a doubt.

i am that bitter about you and maybe i wish you knew. i really hate you now. go on and flirt, go on and continue to lie. i wont fall for it or give in anymore.

this is you, k.

i occasinally look through my past blog posts and do you even realise how many heartaching/breaking posts ive left about you? no you wont ever know because (1) you dont care, (2) i am nothing to you, (3) you are so selfish, (4) you used me and the lists continues.


since you can toss our history aside so easily, i will do the same. ill be great this time around.

i'll be fine now.

i took many steps forward and i dont wanna look back. dear me, please dont let yourself down again. you are doing good, you will be fine now.



side note, i sprained my right ankle again and ive finally agreed to my mom to see the chinese sinseh tomorrow. i am mad scare ok. i just hope i dont die screaming.


ohh, and i deserve a pat on my back because i completed the 100m rescue medley event today! i have officially move pass my fear. yayy! so my trainings havent gone to waste at all.



note to self: study hardcore for exam.

it's stupid how i still think of you after what you have done. do you bother? no, not at all. you are unscratched. i took all the pain till today, you simply walked away.

i've been trying to divert my focus to school, coaching and the trials so much. i try to get away as much as i can. i'd like to say i am ok but i know i never will be.

i bruise so easily these days.