music: britney spears: amnesia

my first module in UWA is almost coming to a closure. just a few more tutorials and the big exam will be nearing soon. the essay assignment is finally done and it almost feels the same as before, when i was trying desperately to complete my fyp reports. a big sigh of relieve though, now that it's over and done with. nevertheless, i still have a whole lot of catching up to do! hopefully some great big miracle can happen and i will be on track by next monday. haha.

on a side note, im starting to realise that school perhaps isnt that horrible after all, considering that im maybe im getting accustomed to it all?



these days, i miss the sun, sand and sea. these days i miss hardcore trainings. these days, i feel darn bloodly unfit and i dont feel good about myself. i ought to get back in the game. i have to because i feel that im lagging for some reason :(

im afraid that i will be left behind sometimes. then again, i may have been walking alone for a very long while. i should be use to this.

i am no where near complicated. i am no where near difficult. i have simplified the way i am and i have axed out all the possibilities of being a horrible lover. so what now?

'cos' these miss you nights are really the longest.'

will i really get through this? i have been through heartbreaks, but will this be the same? will i be able to push it all away this time around once again and move on? i'm suddenly not sure. sigh. what's the point of feeling upset. what's the point of longing when you won't be there no more. you will never understand or feel anything that i am going through. b, im hurting one way or another, in every possible way. i hate the sudden pangs of pain and yearning for you. i hate how i will question myself on what went wrong. i wish you would love me like before. i wish you would know all that i am going through. i wish you would bother to stop and look back. i know you won't because you simply don't care anymore.

i just wanna tell you that i'm sorry

for all the things i've done to make you worry

and all the time i care for you from the bottom of my heart

i will be yours if you'll be mine

i will be there till the end of time

i will be with you until the day that i die

i will be yours

i will be yours

i wish i wish upon a falling star that i'd find peace and contentment with myself soon.

music: mariah carey: obsessed

i like the feeling of doing something i like. i enjoyed myself while at the SI course today. i like how i know i am familiar with what i am learning and how i can understand and relate to what's going on. i like that i know i will actually be having fun and be learning and gaining from this entire course. i left feeling happy and fulfilled somehow.


school has been part time but it seems to be taking up most of my time. i have been procrastinating of late and i haven't had much studying done. i'm worried and stressed out. each time i try to study now, nothing seems to be getting in. it isn't helping that i am still working on the essay assignment while having to be doing so much catching up still.






sometimes, i feel so alone. i wish someone was there to pick me up and get me through. i did all i could, so why is all these happening still.

SI :)

i know i should really be down to catching up on my lectures and readings and all but really, of late, i have been so restless and studying is taking forever. i have had endless thoughts of giving up (though it's just the beginning) and switching to another course, something more 'me'. i cant believe that im giving in to facts and memorising when really im just more artsy fartsy and in a way, more 'go with the flow' and creative person. arrghh! i will not be defeated!! i'm hanging, and hanging....


anyway, since i couldn't sign up for this year's lifesaving teacher course, i finally gave in to signing up for the swimming instructor course, something which my mom has been bugging me to take. i was hesistant intially, because i was so depress with coping with school already but then i thought, why not just go for it! i didn't exactly wanna waste anymore time, what with the rat race of being certified in whatever possible thing in today's world. and besides, it's something that could possibly bring joy to my already sciency world of study. :( the point is, it was my first attempt at SI and i PASSED :) yay! you know i wasn't really expecting to get through at all. i told myself before the skill test that if i were to fail it would be alright because i could always come back and try again. what more, speaking to friends about the SI course, they have told me how 'bias' and difficult it was to get in. i am no star athlete, but just an ordinary person with and ordinary hope of getting into the course and of course i am damn right excited and happy that with just the first try, i got in!! i was pretty stunn at first, because the people i know who have tried many times, did not make it once again. i know i am lucky and with mix emotions at first, now comes relief and happiness. i'm bursting and i can't wait for the course to begin because it is a whole new chapter for me in life.


xoxo

music: the all american rejects: the wind blows

i feel broken. sigh. if you could see me now, would you feel how i feel? no you won't.

music: lady gaga: eh eh

'i wanna be a superstar. all i would have to do then, would be to look pretty all day long and flaunt myself around.'

-me

i miss you, friend.

all i wanted form you was to be a friend. a friend i could trust and depend on. i've changed. it's been years. i am a better friend now. i care, i will be there for you, but why are you breaking the promise you gave to me about being a better friend and regretting all that you did to me in the past? i dont know what else to say really. a lover breaking my heart cuts like hell, but perhaps a friend breaking me feels worst.