no one said growing was easy and sure, no one was ever there to take me by hand and said 'hey love, this is the right way to go'. all that i've gotten were advices in which some i would refuse to heed and decide that i know better but really, many a times, i would be wrong. then i would look back and regret. for then i would look back and start to wish then i could go back in time too change things.
there comes a time in life when love overtakes and people do everything they can to make things work. passion can overtake realism, some may agree and some may disagree. i for one, am someone who would do things because of this word called passion. i would let emotions take over and go all out for something i love. i guess i fail and rashly forget to think at times about the consequences that could happen. this word, love, as simple as it seems can mindscrew people and tear the hell outta a living being.
i think one too many times, i have fallen in and out of love. sure, i do make stupid mistakes and how many times have i been the idiot who ruin things between myself and the other half. i get scared, i get mad angry and i get upset but not until now, have i truly felt disappointment. to cheat and to love, it just doesnt go hand in hand. it's wrong, so wrong. why were men build to be different from women. different sex shouldnt mean unfairness, or should it? oh dear god, it's just the way life isnt it.
passion and emotions always get the better of me. i cant tell if you would be the one in future but i know for now that i am serious about this thing called love that we have, or not. i fell in love again, but i know it's different this time around because i've never felt so focused and wanting to be the good girlfriend who wants to cater and care for her man. i aint fooling around and being the usual playful me. i'm coming home everyday to you, hoping that you would shower me with nothing but just this thing called love. it's enough for me. i dont ask for anything else. i aint demanding nothing no more like in the past. i guess you changed me and it's amazing how you did it, almost like you 'tamed' and 'toned' me down to be a lady.
this thing called love, is you right now. this thing called love is driving my passion and emotions. baby i trusted you but you broke me. it's a scar in me. i cannot explain tears which run now and then and i cant explain me being paranoid. it's what comes along with you cheating. is it so hard to understand? i wish you werent all that hard up inside baby. i know im not your ex girlfriend, i may not be you 'it' girl, but im trying to be perhaps what you want too. i wished for more emotions from you. i wish you didnt cheat and i wish you arent that person that have formed in my mind. i love you, is it so hard to understand?
i want to forget and i want to forgive but i need time. this thing called time, i hope it word for you. of course if i could, i would simply chuck it all away but this so surreal and it aint so easy. i hope you understand.
i hope this time around, this thing called love wont fail me. i hope you arent lying and i hope you are true. it's crap being kept in the dark. been there, done that. i wish for courage and i wish you would not be keeping me boxed up from your world.
now you tell me, is this the jin you knew or a jin who you see is growing up to understand?
