happy 2011, to me.

new year's eve, i stood alone at the beach watching the fireworks. no one was there for me to hug and scream and be happy. no one called nor texted. i started to cry as the colours were bursting right up in front above me. it wasn't because i was happy. i was miserable. i realise how alone i really was. i realise that what's the point of working so hard to keep it all together? i ended up alone anyways. the feeling of emptiness really ate me up good.

honestly, i was hoping for a better start to the new year. i was so determined. but not anymore. i am hurting so much inside. i dont feel motivated nor do i feel the need or want to try now. each step i take now feels really meaningless. i dont know what i am living for right now.

i am moodless and i feel the tears welling up every moment. dont bother to understand me. it will stab you.