music: avril lavigne: knocking on heaven's door.

this is the story of my life, growing up in my middle teenage years, i was never a troublemaker. i was in fact, a really good student, a really good daughter. i was your paranoid child who did all her homework, who listen and did everything the teacher said. yea, i was a slow learner but i never gave up because i was so afraid of what the future held for me. i never was able to see much, i was always shelter i'd say, always within the boundaries. going to poly was a whole new chapter for me. i opened up, i saw so much more the world could offer. working at beach patrol exposed me too many things as well. suddenly, i realised how much i have to catch up on. suddenly it occured to me, how much i have to grow up and adjust to. i realised that i needed to make decisions in life and decide who i was.

and so i made a bunch of awesome friends who come from all walks of life. some more priviledge than me and some not. but nontheless, i've come to realise that perhaps it isnt about our family backgrounds and where we came from. what's important is that we found each other and that the truth is we are is this life together, fighting to go on and moving on to create a life for ourselves.

to some, family is everything while to others, family is merely somewhere they came from. i look back at my own family sometimes, i compare myself to my friends sometimes. i wish sometimes that my parents were that loving, that doting to my brother and i, and had sent us to every classes available or maybe picked us up from any sport trainings we had. i know they care, i know they love us. they havent kicked us aside, they havent stopped supporting us but i guess that i yearn for some closeness at times. im not making an effort i know, but i guess i dont know how to anymore. i cant relate to my dad anymore. once upon a time i was daddy's girl who loved to stepped on his feet and dance with him to his country music. but all that's in the past now. he's morphed into someone i never thought he would become now.

maybe that's why now i really find it so hard to trust anyone with myself now. after so many failed relationships, faking of close family portrait, ive come to realised that there really is no point in hiding anything now. giving up and pushing aside all the masks i had.