i felt the angels cry.

i've just had one of the worst weeks by far in a long time. i'm really really not finding it easy to settle down as a university student. it's so so tough. after a short break from the exams, i had a weird ass bad gut feeling that something just wasn't right. and yea, i was right. i checked my uwa mail on monday and there it was, an email by julie hill telling me about plagiarism found in my essay...yet again. now, i was given a chance to re-edit my essay and i did! i earnestly sat down and spent time to look through everything once again. i was pretty sure that i had done a good job but i guess wrong. sigh! i was utterly speechless and was almost close to tears because when i read that mail, it felt like that was it. like i was black listed and that i was a horrible student. that was to me, the worst thing that could happen to me. back then i was younger, i was always the student who needed to get everything right and be accepted. i guess i never grew out of that. anyways, i scheduled an interview with dr cj koh and after that meeting with him, i'm much more relieved. i told him honestly that all this school and module and what not was really overwhelming to me because i was so fresh and i felt kinda lost. hopefully i'm cleared of anything bad. thank goodness sheena accompanied me throughout the interview. i would prolly have broken down because really, i'm just so fragile inside. i'm scared at anything academic. i suck at all that studying matters. i'm really just praying for all to be better now. i can't do much now anyways. i've emailed julie and told her about how it was all an honest mistake and i never meant to cheat or whatsoever. you know, it ain't that bad in a way. it was only like 13% plagiarism. sheena said she saw like others who had 40-50% and over. ah well! it still sucks like crap to be like 'labelled'.

that aside, i'm digging my new unit, human movement. actually, i'm totally loving my lecturer, dr low. he's awesome, totally. he makes lectures so interesting by bringing everything down and relating our learning to things we can relate to and understand. He's funny and he's accent is to die for some how. so clear and yet so doctor-ish. haha. yea. i feel myself being motivated to go for classes and looking forward to see him and actually wanting to work hard for this unit. i truly want to grasp everything because it feels to me that he's making so much of an effort to help us, so i do owe him in a way. he makes me feel good in so many ways about school suddenly :) a plus point for a crapped up week. oh well! i wanna marry a doctor la. so smart, so rich, so nice, some more can have smart kids. lol.

people like my lecturer can manage to make me happy and feel good about myself. they make me think that perhaps life isn't all that ugly and hard. maybe i can do this alone and maybe i am already contented. but then it all fades away and i get emotional and i find myself wondering what is it that is lacking. i miss you i guess, but no one in particular. i'm kinda tired of doing all these alone.

xoxo