music: secondhand serenade: fall for you

now, i don't wanna talk about how the competition went or about the day's happenings.
******

how do you, a simple human being of capabilities up to only a certain level, know if 'the one' is really the one? no, this wasn't something that had been taught in school nor is it something that one can google up a solution and find the specific correct answer. so now then, how do i know if you, are 'the one'?

mom said not to marry one who smokes, drinks or gambles. isn't that what every mother says? mom says i have to find one who has qualities similar to a housewife cos' i can't cook nor clean. but isn't that what guys want in their wife? one who cooks and cleans? so now then, how is another suppose to fall for one like me?

i've been in a fair share of relationships and it has become a game of nothing but pain, plain sheer hurt that leaves me demoralised and feeling so scared. each time i get into a game, i play hard and give my all. the truth is, it is never enough. yes, i have my many flaws but no one is perfect. i am young and i am still learning. how long, i won't know but least i know i am trying. but then one gets tired and one just wants to play for awhile and bask in sweet nothings.

so i listen to sad songs and love songs. so i like to lay in bed, getting lost in such songs that would create stories for me. in these stories, i would always be the lead actress and the world revolves around me. pathetic enough, these songs gets me going. i become hopeful all over again.

it's been awhile but why do memories of you keep coming back? no doubt, i love you still but you and i have moved on. i guess the love has change to a different kind, one in which i can't seem to explain. certain nights i wish i was still beside you in bed, feeling your arms around me and that familar smell of you. certain days i wish i was still lazing aound your house, renting dvds and watching them while lying on your lap and pigging out. and there are the times where i get angry for no reason and no warning about how it wasn't fair how we ended cos' we went through so much and i was the one who painted those pretty walls of yours with you. it's childish thoughts i know and it wouldn't be fair to still be thinking this way now, not when you have another and i too. but baby you made me felt so genuinely loved. everywhere seems to me, has a picture perfect moment with you. goodbye baby.