music: meredith brooks: bitch

funny how you've always looked up to people and could possibly see them as the world. you wanna be just like them, following in their foot steps and aim to get where they are.

what if your task was to be part of them and once you got that you realize it doesn't feel all that well. something seems missing but you tell yourself that it'll get better and that all that pressure is good for you.

and then something happened and it leaves a scar. the one person that your trusted all the time to be reasonable and nice suddenly uses a different tone and body language to speak to you. it makes you confuse and flashbacks appears. it makes you scared and then suddenly you stop to think that could it possibly just be that the people have changed and things are different now? perhaps they aren't the same as before and they are no more who you aim to become.

greatness doesn't get you all that far. you may be strong and the best but what's the point of it all when you do it without an aim? with no passionate direction is like having a mindless plan. you don't go into depth of it all but simply choose to stick on the surface.

maybe this is what it has become. maybe i grew out of it and somehow i am telling myself that i should follow my heart.