'everything, everything is still a blur.'

' can't remember what i did last night

maybe i shouldn't have given in but i just couldn't fight

hope i didn't done what i think i might

everything, everything is still a blur'

at where i am now and at the rate i am coping with school, i'll never get by. this is the real harsh truth and i need to deal with it because this is for real and if i were to continue with what has always been, i'll be getting no where in life.

universty life is sucking me dry one way or another. this is a serious wake up call to get in the game already. the stresses are settling in day by day. there is no easy way, there is no other way. i can cry as much as i want at breaking point or for failed modules but nothing's gonna stop for me. it's a fast game. it's something that i've never really had to experience really. as much as i know i am at a disadvantage and am lacking, it shouldn't and cannot be an excuse at all. no way, no one will hear of it. i may have lecturers, friends, family and a world of information that i can turn to, but at the end of the day, i am in this degree alone and i will play alone.

no, i will not be nothing. no, i refuse to falter and crumble just like that, with no fight at all because i am what my mom and dad made me to be. a perfectly healthy and capable lil' girl with the whole world to shape in her own hands.

how can i then just sit back and let the world shape me? how can i fail what my parents have made me to be. most importantly, how can i fail myself just like that, after coming so far already, i cannot just let it all go.

failures were meant to be for one to learn from and be better. that i shall be. i have to learn it the tough way and get on with life. results are everything in society now isn't it? you want it? i'll produce it. i will show you how i can actually do it as well or perhaps better than everyone else.

there now, i am willingly to try it all over again, this time with a much more determined heart, mind and soul. this time, i will get it right, start on the right foot and give my all.

i shall promise to keep my life a balance and never fail myself again. my birthday wish to myself will be to never ever fail myself.

there now, i'm begging of myself, give yourself much more needed faith that you will get through this doing well. you have so much more to offer than you can see for yourself.