Thursday, July 30, 2009

music: pussycat dolls: watcha think about that

so i guess i've got my life back in an organizer book once again.

it's takes a little discipline, effort and concern really. for awhile, i was a bum, bummering around and naturally i got tired of the way things were. i got up and out and decided that i've got to straightened up.

i've finally did my homework and decided that i shall be enrolling in PSB academy to get a bachelor degree in sports science. now because it's a part time degree, the next time for me would be to find a job that would slot right in and give me some cash to support myself and cut a big burden off my parents pockets.

having had 3 lifesaving assignments on my hands for awhile now, i've evaluated and decided that my students are ready to be examined. it's a good thing :)

trainings havent been as intensive as before, what with all that swine flu closure and all but nevertheless we have been trying and i'm excited for the competitions and yes yes! the upcoming osim triathlon as well.

i'm moving on with each step and i like the idea of it.




now now, on another note, events that have happened to my friends and myself got me thinking and i realised how flawed people can get but i guess the most important thing would be the lesson learnt from it and not allowing it to happen again. one really shouldnt be so hard on him or herself because no one is perfect at all.



xoxo

Friday, July 24, 2009

thoughts before heading to blopping land.

if i never find the one to love me right, i wish i would be strong enough to create that much love to share with everyone else.

if i never find the right person to believe in me and respect me, i wish i would become like MJ and create great change and influences in the world.

if i were to ever get lost, i wish i would keep the faith and trust in myself to go on.





dear b, i hope you will grow to love me because it feels so empty. what happened now. will the happier times where you made me feel wanted come back? will you still care about my most private thoughts in this blog?

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

music: will.i.am: heartbreaker

m, i wish we'd cross paths one day so i can tell you how sorry i am. and maybe that would be the most magical thing that i can do for you.


-me

Saturday, July 18, 2009

"don't ever call yourself a sports person cos' you'll disgrace that"


now this is what you really think about me. you don't need me. why do you put me through this hurt.

Thursday, July 02, 2009

seriously i cant explain the tears for you, MJ.

man in the mirror
'i'm starting with the man in the mirror
i'm asking him to change his ways
no message could be any clearer
if you wanna make the world a better place
take a look at yourself and then make a change'





heal the world
'heal the world
make it a better place
for you and for me
and the entire human race
there are people dying
if you care enough
for the living
make a better place
for you and for me'





you're not alone
'you are not alone
for i am here with you
though you're far away
i am here to stay
but you are not alone
for i am here with you
though we're far apart
you're always in my heart
but you are not alone'





black or white
'but, if
you're thinkin
about my baby
it dont matter if you're
black or white'





billie jean
'billie jean is not my lover
she's just a girl that claim that i am the one
but the kid is not my son'





now you tell me who else is gonna produce such music and lyrics which created such an impact to the world.
no other will replace you, MJ.
you are what i listen to for strength. you inspire me.

Monday, June 29, 2009

the legendary king of pop; michael jackson.

i never knew you, michael jackson, but yet i feel the lost following your sudden death.

utterly lost for words and the heavy feeling of sadness shoots through me now and then whenever im reading about your news and listening to your music. your greatness is reflected everywhere, be it seen or heard. your name rings a bell in everyone's head.

here i am, suddenly caught up about wanting to know and understand more about you. searching for news and scrambling to listen in to your greatest hits. i may never have paid much attention to you but really and truly, i was oblivious. for i did not realise that songs that i loved and felt so much about were songs by you. that soothing voice that helped inspired me and spin my emotions round and round in my life was you.

you were a legend in many different ways. you were an example of a great artist. the life you had under the media wasnt an easy one and though no one will truly know the real you or what really when on in your life, i believe that yes, you were really an ordinary man who had ordinary great dreams and who wanted to make a change. you were like anyone else, just that you took a great step forward and became a representative figure of the world. yet, everyone knows that life isnt fair and the ups and downs came. you are only human and with the stress and the pushing, no one can or should at all blame you for loosing grip.

if only things were simple, perhaps you would have led a truly happy life and show the world your capabilities of the wonderful father you were. i dont know you michael but i believe that whatever you may have done, right or wrong, you had a great angelic side because it reflects in your music. you gave music that had deep felt meanings and were inspirational. you brought music that brought about change and messages that connected the world. i am so proud of you.

well for as long as i live, michael jackson, you would always be the legendary king of pop in my era. like how my parents prolly felt for elvis presley. when my kids look back in time to come, they may not know or understand your sound but i know i would.

i really do admire your strength, courage and talent for creating such an impact in the world. now really, who can forget that 'moonwalk' you left the world screaming for?


xoxo to you MJ

Thursday, June 25, 2009

what's left to do now.

thursday morning; 25 june 2009; 12.19am


it's 1 day to NUS invitationals and really what's there for me to do now is to take it easy, rest, focus and to simply have fun.

months ago, i was at ground zero scrambling to pick up the pieces in which i have left shattered for a long long time. now you see, i was never a champion winner but merely one that was just always there to complete and if you wanna make it sound bad, you could even say that i was there to add to the numbers. I have been at ground zero for a long time and seriously, who doesn't get tired of not being able to perform. somehow from within me, i always knew i could pursue my hopes and goals and perform much better. somehow from within me, there was always that passion of flame that kept burning and never died. That kept me coming back each year for more and even more hungry for something more.

now here i am, just 1 day again to NUS invitationals and this time around, i feel so much differently. i am prepared and i am confident. yea sure, i still do have butterflies in my tummy but hey, it's different now. i know for sure.

my mental strength is much stronger now and i guess i can control my emotions better as well. with the help of a stronger and more determined team than before, we have all grown so much together with the help of jeremy, our awesome possum coach. i cant tell you how grateful for just being part of this family really. we may not see or feel it but we have helped one another grow so much stronger and i forsee that we are so much more prepared for the upcoming competitions.






'now i wont give up and i wont give in; not at all. i'll be there giving my all and channeling all my emotions and strength to give it my very best shot. i can, i will and i must. i will be the art of power. for you, for me, for us.'




xoxo

Thursday, June 04, 2009

all the world's a stage, and all men and women; merely players.

once upon a time, i had the world seemingly planned out for me. it was one stage after another, easy peasy. i didnt have to worry much about what would lie ahead for i knew there was something planned, something for me and my friends. it was that once upon a time in which we had all been in a 'safety zone' where could only explore and go that far.


now once upon a now however, things have changed. the 'safe zone' has magically been lifted away and we are all suddenly alone. it is now that we realise how much there is to life and reality, how much we have yet to see. so many decisions to make and so much to grow up to become.


at 20 years of age, i cant believe how fast time has flew by me and i am still pretty shaken at how fast i have to adapt at where i am today. there are no more safety nets to catch me if i fall now, i am alone. whatever decisions i decide to make, i cannot afford to make mistakes because now, i plan my future and whats to become of me in time to come. as easy it may sound and be done, it really isnt at all. suddenly all sorts of thoughts fill my mind and really, it freaks the hell out of me. yea, i guess it is fun to be able to finally plan my life but it isnt so fun and all that exciting to know that there is not much of a space for failure to come in at all.


i guess im not alone and thats calms me in a way. take one step at a time; i shall and i hope i have learnt and gone through enough in my past years to make wise decisions to lead me to my own wall of success.







here's to you, b.

it's been a rollercoaster nine months plus ride and i thank you so much for making me see and learn so much in a relationship. our age gap has been a challenge for me but that only made me grow up faster and be less of that selfish girlfriend i used to be. i can proudly say that this is a serious relationship in which i can see a future in. perhaps it may be one sided and only i see where all this can be headed but nevertheless, you really are a turning point in my life. it may be ever so bitter for me but come what may and whatever that happens in time to come, i swear i take away a lot from 'us' and i have morphed into someone i never saw till now. i heart you, and i really hope it last <3

xoxo

Friday, May 29, 2009

when the future ahead seem so......bleak

funny how a simple letter or an email you receive can mean so much doesn't it? words can stirr up so much emotions and it can really tear you apart. really, the power that words can contain amazes me sometime. the meaning it an carry and how it is crucial to the human lives for me depend so much on it for everything to work.

words.

it got me so down one too many times. now now, you've done it again. i've failed my PPT for NIE and i am truly shocked. i couldn't believe it, not at all. i read the email......like over and over again, refusing to believe what i saw but it didn't change things. i failed. i know im not a very 'know-it-all/ everything-also-can-do' athlete, but i never thought i'd be so bad and receive only a 'conditional pass' for majority of the stations. sigh! it's like my ego got bruised. i feel so unfit and useless suddenly. like, i can never do sports again. i'm truly upset and disappointed. griefing and deeply depress.

my hopes for NIE once upon a time looked all mighty and bright but now it's all dashed and perhaps throw aside. i'm not good enough. it's in my face now and i can't hide or deny. i never thought i was that bad but maybe i just am.

life; and the unfairness of it all.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

take one last look and then say goodbye...forever.

i wanna put a closure to it all. i dont wanna ever be associated closely to anyone of you exes anymore. hi and bye friends will do but nothing more than a simple chat. i realise how much some can actually be so annoyingly selfish, caring only for themselves and their own happiness. when alone, you seek comfort in me and when you found new interest/s you flutter your wings instantly and almost silently; too quick for me to notice. im sick of this rubbish. its a pattern and youll prolly never change. but then again, maybe im too sensitive and think way too much. but how can it be when after so long one can still sound so cold. maybe you really do have a stone cold heart and it really refuses to allow you to let go. i pity you, because you gave yourself a reason to shut me out. you loose out i would say but perhaps you would beg to differ. nevertheless, the day you told me that i wasted your time, was the day i knew how much i have seen the true side of you. now, dont think that i hate yall because i dont at all. we had happy memories and our lil moments but its really now just a matter of saying so long and farewell, till we meet again. and when that happens, well see how it all turns out. ciao!


xoxo

Saturday, May 16, 2009

music: backstreet boys: all i have to give.

'but my love is all i have to give...'

having gotten my rejection letter from NTU, i feel dejected now. my only hope would be to receive a letter from NIE stating for an interview. i hope, i pray, its really draining, stressing and super taxing. my mind and soul may seem clueless and careless but deep down its annoying the shit outta me. i cant help but think aimlessly at what and where my future is heading. i want that space so bad in NIE. i really do. i even dyed my blond hair black :(

Thursday, April 09, 2009

music: gwen stefani: the real thing

the best times i've had were really the three years that i've spent in rp. now, here i am graduated and as fresh as can be after donning that gown that i yearned so much to wear since day one i was in the school. i feel lost and very depress, all so suddenly. it's like someone sucked th life out of me. my routine, my excitements and air had seemingly came from going to school. my everything had grew and expanded from there. my worst and happiest moments were created and done there. but here i am now, finding myself missing school, poly life to be in fact, reminsincing about the times i've had with friends and facilitators. school had brought the colours to my life. it was where i saw the the harsh reality of life but in a comfort zone. i was always safe even as i was given those many chances to play around the fire and embrace challenges, all these for the preparation of my future, but all in a safe zone. this has certainly got to be the best transition to life. poly life carved my life and shaped it. a huge stepping stone i must say, to what i decide i want to be. 


xoxo.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

music: lady gaga: just dance

life seems pretty much like a routine now. no specific goal and not much of an excitement seems to be going on in my life. its about work, it's about training and it's about coaching nowadays. well, occasionally, there are the perks of having kayaking courses, diving trips and etc., but nevertheless, the life i have now, is so....safe. now that can be good but so boring and dry at the same time. i can slack and have the time of my life now but i guess i really miss school and all that crap fun we all used to have.

lately, i've been feel lousy in a way. worried about uni applications, worried about my LS class, worried about letting myself and you down...the list goes on really. sigh! i seem to be falling into that pit hole again.

the mini get away over the weekend did me a little good or not. i had sufficient rest and when next week comes i kinda hope that things would magicaly be perfect and great again.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

music: something corporate: konstantine

hey baby, tell me that i'm the one yea and that you are changing because you love me truly.

'this is to a girl who got into my head with all the pretty things she did
hey, you know you keep me up in bed
this is to a girl who got into my head with all these fucked up things i did
hey, maybe, baby, you could keep me up in bed
my konstantine
you spin around me like a dream
we played out on this movie screen
and i said
did you know i missed you...'

Monday, February 16, 2009

to this thing called love, screw you.

no one said growing was easy and sure, no one was ever there to take me by hand and said 'hey love, this is the right way to go'. all that i've gotten were advices in which some i would refuse to heed and decide that i know better but really, many a times, i would be wrong. then i would look back and regret. for then i would look back and start to wish then i could go back in time too change things. 

there comes a time in life when love overtakes and people do everything they can to make things work. passion can overtake realism, some may agree and some may disagree. i for one, am someone who would do things because of this word called passion. i would let emotions take over and go all out for something i love. i guess i fail and rashly forget to think at times about the consequences that could happen. this word, love, as simple as it seems can mindscrew people and tear the hell outta a living being.

i think one too many times, i have fallen in and out of love. sure, i do make stupid mistakes and how many times have i been the idiot who ruin things between myself and the other half. i get scared, i get mad angry and i get upset but not until now, have i truly felt disappointment. to cheat and to love, it just doesnt go hand in hand. it's wrong, so wrong. why were men build to be different from women. different sex shouldnt mean unfairness, or should it? oh dear god, it's just the way life isnt it. 

passion and emotions always get the better of me. i cant tell if you would be the one in future but i know for now that i am serious about this thing called love that we have, or not. i fell in love again, but i know it's different this time around because i've never felt so focused and wanting to be the good girlfriend who wants to cater and care for her man. i aint fooling around and being the usual playful me. i'm coming home everyday to you, hoping that you would shower me with nothing but just this thing called love. it's enough for me. i dont ask for anything else. i aint demanding nothing no more like in the past. i guess you changed me and it's amazing how you did it, almost like you 'tamed' and 'toned' me down to be a lady.

this thing called love, is you right now. this thing called love is driving my passion and emotions. baby i trusted you but you broke me. it's a scar in me. i cannot explain tears which run now and then and i cant explain me being paranoid. it's what comes along with you cheating. is it so hard to understand? i wish you werent all that hard up inside baby. i know im not your ex girlfriend, i may not be you 'it' girl, but im trying to be perhaps what you want too. i wished for more emotions from you. i wish you didnt cheat and i wish you arent that person that have formed in my mind. i love you, is it so hard to understand?

i want to forget and i want to forgive but i need time. this thing called time, i hope it word for you. of course if i could, i would simply chuck it all away but this so surreal and it aint so easy. i hope you understand. 

i hope this time around, this thing called love wont fail me. i hope you arent lying and i hope you are true. it's crap being kept in the dark. been there, done that. i wish for courage and i wish you would not be keeping me boxed up from your world.

now you tell me, is this the jin you knew or a jin who you see is growing up to understand?

Thursday, January 08, 2009

2009, behold!

it's 2009 now. i was caught in that phase for awhile where i was just too lazy to load pictures up and to even blog. whatever the case, now that im totally done with fyp reports, i swear that i'll keep my blog updated and sparkling clean. i wont go skipping in the woods and leaving this blog to collect wedsites again.

over this period of time, this is what had happened in short:
(1)my camera totally died
(2)my cell died too and then it got replaced and got stolen in the most retarded way
(3)i did not have a very happening xmas nor new year
(4)i worked very well with my fyp II homies and im hella pleased with everyone
(5)i made new year resolutions and i am swearing by it
(6)everyone now knows i got my first ink and they're all laughing about it
(7)im a changed woman...yes, woman alright.


i'll be back for so much more.


xoxo

Friday, December 26, 2008

'i can't take it any longer
thought that we were stronger
all we do is linger
slipping through my fingers
i dont wanna try now
all thats left goodbye to find a way that i can tell you
i hate this part right here
i hate this part right here
i just can't take your tears
i hate this part right here.'

Thursday, December 18, 2008

last week of school before the xmas break!

howdy people! so much has happened over the past week and i am so bloodly excited to spill everything right now. i've got tons of pictures to post up and if my blog lags up, i don't care because for all the good things in the world, one must be patient. haha.
8 december, monday.
hari raya, public holiday. i had worked am shift and then met samantha halley to have dinner and check out tattoo shops. ah yes, i had finally decided that it was time to get inked and sam was still fickle about either piercing her brow or tongue, or getting a tattoo as well.

my locker at work. i just had to choose the one right at the top even knowing that i was so short. then again, i wasn't given much of a choice because back then some people thought they were damn right superior and could own two lockers. (insert rolling of eyes here.) and right now, i'm too lazy to switch already cos everything is done up and placed nicely. however, i have wondeful work mates like nicola who got me a green stool from ikea in case i couldn't reach all the way back to my locker. (whatever man nic, i can each ok! i just have the habit of tiptoing each time i take stuff in and our from my locker.) haha. on another note, shiqin peeked in today and said she was amazed at how i was actually very organised and neat. :D i don't know why she always has this habit of messing her hair up before posing for a shot.
in an attempt to capture a good shot, we got this. haha.
i swear sam and i check outed a number of tattoo shops that day and all the artists said that any tattoo would start from $50, even if it were just a dot. stop laughing at me for spending 50 bucks on my tattoo cos' i'd rather pay to be safe than sorry. besides, i hadn't been to an artists who's a friend or like a friend's friend. maybe then i would have gotten a cheaper rate or something.

10 december, wednesday.

to the zoo it was, for our leisure module. i have no clue why but apparently, it was to be part of ut4 or something. harlalooya to those who didn't went, which was many actually. i was the 'class rep' for my own class and the turn out was pathetic. of a class of twenty something, it was bad enough that inly ten plus signed up for this trip. what made it worst was that only five of us turned up. kenneth!jansher khan!this was the diputs (spelled backwards) monkey/ gorilla/ ape or whatever it was creature that was happily climbing along the tree vines and stopped halfway to pee down to the ground where everyone was walking. i nearly, nearly i say, got drenched in its pee. yuck. we were split into two groups, and my group had chosen to go tp listen to a talk on 'scaly encounters' which in order words, was simply getting a backstage pass to see, feel and hear about the snakes.the snakes in the room where we were brought to were suppose to be sick or something.we had a guide and i think he's name was kit. here luke getting his one minute of fame. haha.poor turtle, brutually murdered so young.did you know that the turtle's spine is like stuck to its shell. it grows on the shell.this confiscated 'ointment' (from vietnam) which has a snake stuffed inside, supposingly helps and cures people of any illness/ injuries and etc. humans can be so cruel. when you get bitten by a snake, this could save you.oh and then he took one of his 'friends' out to show him off to us all.hello sick snakies. these were the other sick scally creatures. after the whole talk, imran, andruew, luke, saburi and me took awhile to check out the zoo map before deciding that we were too hungry and lazy to tour the entire zoo. while making out way out if the zoo, there were of course distractions (and with that i mean the animals) that apparently made the guys 'ohh and ahh' at the cute creatures. but finally, we ,made it out and im drove us all to ponggol to have lunch. there after, saburi and i headed to andruew's house because the idiots wanted to play guitar hero (andruew is better than saburi!) and i fell asleep on the couch with saburi sitting on my feet cos' i was cold.i met dawn later on and we made dash in time for sake sushi buffet before it ended. since 530pm was like the last order, the both of us got to carried away and anxious that we ordered too much and ended up stuffing food into the soft drink cans and any available plastic bags that we could find. i swear, my friend here, is an expert in doing this. haha!

11 december, thursday.

simon's class today and it was awesome, simply a ball of a time. we had a mini class party and it was just like pot luck where most people contributed and brought food to class. also, we had a gift exchange in which according to simon, each and everyone's present had to be at least five dollars. as much as lesson had went on and every team had still did up a powerpoint presentation, third meeting was all about games! everything that happened in class was all about celebrating christmas :)my gift from chloe, jelly beans. i seriously wish i could wrap so nicely. all that food. all those stuff filled faces. hee! the 'nacho' boys. we are not going to hell because we all paid twelve bucks for nachos in which the cash would be donated to charity. 'cock and bull story'. there were the games where simon said now he knew why we were graduating cos' our drawings and acting skills were so bad but we were still able to guess it right. geniuses. haha! another reason why i love jas. she does the silliest things sometimes.simon unwraping his gift by sam. its (he) said to be passed down as a gift from one mother to another before landing in his hands...but not for long cos' the cycle shall continue (according to him).

i've got so much more to say but seriously if i continue the entries here, i will die from all this uploading of pictures. thus, i shall stop right here and i'll be back, with more...

xoxo