music: lady gaga: just dance

life seems pretty much like a routine now. no specific goal and not much of an excitement seems to be going on in my life. its about work, it's about training and it's about coaching nowadays. well, occasionally, there are the perks of having kayaking courses, diving trips and etc., but nevertheless, the life i have now, is so....safe. now that can be good but so boring and dry at the same time. i can slack and have the time of my life now but i guess i really miss school and all that crap fun we all used to have.

lately, i've been feel lousy in a way. worried about uni applications, worried about my LS class, worried about letting myself and you down...the list goes on really. sigh! i seem to be falling into that pit hole again.

the mini get away over the weekend did me a little good or not. i had sufficient rest and when next week comes i kinda hope that things would magicaly be perfect and great again.

music: something corporate: konstantine

hey baby, tell me that i'm the one yea and that you are changing because you love me truly.

'this is to a girl who got into my head with all the pretty things she did

hey, you know you keep me up in bed

this is to a girl who got into my head with all these fucked up things i did

hey, maybe, baby, you could keep me up in bed

my konstantine

you spin around me like a dream

we played out on this movie screen

and i said

did you know i missed you...'

to this thing called love, screw you.

no one said growing was easy and sure, no one was ever there to take me by hand and said 'hey love, this is the right way to go'. all that i've gotten were advices in which some i would refuse to heed and decide that i know better but really, many a times, i would be wrong. then i would look back and regret. for then i would look back and start to wish then i could go back in time too change things. 

there comes a time in life when love overtakes and people do everything they can to make things work. passion can overtake realism, some may agree and some may disagree. i for one, am someone who would do things because of this word called passion. i would let emotions take over and go all out for something i love. i guess i fail and rashly forget to think at times about the consequences that could happen. this word, love, as simple as it seems can mindscrew people and tear the hell outta a living being.

i think one too many times, i have fallen in and out of love. sure, i do make stupid mistakes and how many times have i been the idiot who ruin things between myself and the other half. i get scared, i get mad angry and i get upset but not until now, have i truly felt disappointment. to cheat and to love, it just doesnt go hand in hand. it's wrong, so wrong. why were men build to be different from women. different sex shouldnt mean unfairness, or should it? oh dear god, it's just the way life isnt it. 

passion and emotions always get the better of me. i cant tell if you would be the one in future but i know for now that i am serious about this thing called love that we have, or not. i fell in love again, but i know it's different this time around because i've never felt so focused and wanting to be the good girlfriend who wants to cater and care for her man. i aint fooling around and being the usual playful me. i'm coming home everyday to you, hoping that you would shower me with nothing but just this thing called love. it's enough for me. i dont ask for anything else. i aint demanding nothing no more like in the past. i guess you changed me and it's amazing how you did it, almost like you 'tamed' and 'toned' me down to be a lady.

this thing called love, is you right now. this thing called love is driving my passion and emotions. baby i trusted you but you broke me. it's a scar in me. i cannot explain tears which run now and then and i cant explain me being paranoid. it's what comes along with you cheating. is it so hard to understand? i wish you werent all that hard up inside baby. i know im not your ex girlfriend, i may not be you 'it' girl, but im trying to be perhaps what you want too. i wished for more emotions from you. i wish you didnt cheat and i wish you arent that person that have formed in my mind. i love you, is it so hard to understand?

i want to forget and i want to forgive but i need time. this thing called time, i hope it word for you. of course if i could, i would simply chuck it all away but this so surreal and it aint so easy. i hope you understand. 

i hope this time around, this thing called love wont fail me. i hope you arent lying and i hope you are true. it's crap being kept in the dark. been there, done that. i wish for courage and i wish you would not be keeping me boxed up from your world.

now you tell me, is this the jin you knew or a jin who you see is growing up to understand?

2009, behold!

it's 2009 now. i was caught in that phase for awhile where i was just too lazy to load pictures up and to even blog. whatever the case, now that im totally done with fyp reports, i swear that i'll keep my blog updated and sparkling clean. i wont go skipping in the woods and leaving this blog to collect wedsites again.

over this period of time, this is what had happened in short:
(1)my camera totally died
(2)my cell died too and then it got replaced and got stolen in the most retarded way
(3)i did not have a very happening xmas nor new year
(4)i worked very well with my fyp II homies and im hella pleased with everyone
(5)i made new year resolutions and i am swearing by it
(6)everyone now knows i got my first ink and they're all laughing about it
(7)im a changed woman...yes, woman alright.


i'll be back for so much more.


xoxo

'i can't take it any longer

thought that we were stronger

all we do is linger

slipping through my fingers

i dont wanna try now

all thats left goodbye to find a way that i can tell you

i hate this part right here

i hate this part right here

i just can't take your tears

i hate this part right here.'

last week of school before the xmas break!

howdy people! so much has happened over the past week and i am so bloodly excited to spill everything right now. i've got tons of pictures to post up and if my blog lags up, i don't care because for all the good things in the world, one must be patient. haha.

8 december, monday.

hari raya, public holiday. i had worked am shift and then met samantha halley to have dinner and check out tattoo shops. ah yes, i had finally decided that it was time to get inked and sam was still fickle about either piercing her brow or tongue, or getting a tattoo as well.

my locker at work. i just had to choose the one right at the top even knowing that i was so short. then again, i wasn't given much of a choice because back then some people thought they were damn right superior and could own two lockers. (insert rolling of eyes here.) and right now, i'm too lazy to switch already cos everything is done up and placed nicely. however, i have wondeful work mates like nicola who got me a green stool from ikea in case i couldn't reach all the way back to my locker. (whatever man nic, i can each ok! i just have the habit of tiptoing each time i take stuff in and our from my locker.) haha. on another note, shiqin peeked in today and said she was amazed at how i was actually very organised and neat. :D i don't know why she always has this habit of messing her hair up before posing for a shot.
in an attempt to capture a good shot, we got this. haha.i swear sam and i check outed a number of tattoo shops that day and all the artists said that any tattoo would start from $50, even if it were just a dot. stop laughing at me for spending 50 bucks on my tattoo cos' i'd rather pay to be safe than sorry. besides, i hadn't been to an artists who's a friend or like a friend's friend. maybe then i would have gotten a cheaper rate or something.

10 december, wednesday.

to the zoo it was, for our leisure module. i have no clue why but apparently, it was to be part of ut4 or something. harlalooya to those who didn't went, which was many actually. i was the 'class rep' for my own class and the turn out was pathetic. of a class of twenty something, it was bad enough that inly ten plus signed up for this trip. what made it worst was that only five of us turned up. kenneth!jansher khan!this was the diputs (spelled backwards) monkey/ gorilla/ ape or whatever it was creature that was happily climbing along the tree vines and stopped halfway to pee down to the ground where everyone was walking. i nearly, nearly i say, got drenched in its pee. yuck. we were split into two groups, and my group had chosen to go tp listen to a talk on 'scaly encounters' which in order words, was simply getting a backstage pass to see, feel and hear about the snakes.the snakes in the room where we were brought to were suppose to be sick or something.we had a guide and i think he's name was kit. here luke getting his one minute of fame. haha.poor turtle, brutually murdered so young.did you know that the turtle's spine is like stuck to its shell. it grows on the shell.this confiscated 'ointment' (from vietnam) which has a snake stuffed inside, supposingly helps and cures people of any illness/ injuries and etc. humans can be so cruel. when you get bitten by a snake, this could save you.oh and then he took one of his 'friends' out to show him off to us all.hello sick snakies. these were the other sick scally creatures. after the whole talk, imran, andruew, luke, saburi and me took awhile to check out the zoo map before deciding that we were too hungry and lazy to tour the entire zoo. while making out way out if the zoo, there were of course distractions (and with that i mean the animals) that apparently made the guys 'ohh and ahh' at the cute creatures. but finally, we ,made it out and im drove us all to ponggol to have lunch. there after, saburi and i headed to andruew's house because the idiots wanted to play guitar hero (andruew is better than saburi!) and i fell asleep on the couch with saburi sitting on my feet cos' i was cold.i met dawn later on and we made dash in time for sake sushi buffet before it ended. since 530pm was like the last order, the both of us got to carried away and anxious that we ordered too much and ended up stuffing food into the soft drink cans and any available plastic bags that we could find. i swear, my friend here, is an expert in doing this. haha!

11 december, thursday.

simon's class today and it was awesome, simply a ball of a time. we had a mini class party and it was just like pot luck where most people contributed and brought food to class. also, we had a gift exchange in which according to simon, each and everyone's present had to be at least five dollars. as much as lesson had went on and every team had still did up a powerpoint presentation, third meeting was all about games! everything that happened in class was all about celebrating christmas :)my gift from chloe, jelly beans. i seriously wish i could wrap so nicely. all that food. all those stuff filled faces. hee! the 'nacho' boys. we are not going to hell because we all paid twelve bucks for nachos in which the cash would be donated to charity. 'cock and bull story'. there were the games where simon said now he knew why we were graduating cos' our drawings and acting skills were so bad but we were still able to guess it right. geniuses. haha! another reason why i love jas. she does the silliest things sometimes.simon unwraping his gift by sam. its (he) said to be passed down as a gift from one mother to another before landing in his hands...but not for long cos' the cycle shall continue (according to him).

i've got so much more to say but seriously if i continue the entries here, i will die from all this uploading of pictures. thus, i shall stop right here and i'll be back, with more...

xoxo