memories of STA.

it took me so long to express, but i really miss my directing and performance class. like really i do. i miss the classes and what i learn, plus, i miss my ex-classmates. it was a whole bunch of friends. unlike the SHL peeps, this bunch were of different likings and character. it was simply different but really fun-filled. no one judged, not at all. pictures speak a thousand words, so here goes:
we were everywhere. i mean classes were held almost everywhere. the 'hangar' (studio), TRCC and our classrooms of course. we played with all kind of toys, from the camera to the macs in school. this are things i could never get to do in SHL classes. i'll keep the memories :)

5th october 2008: BBQ at ECP

the bloodly pit that had required us to walk so freaking far to get to it.fat kitty i wanna sue your relative back in tioman for scratching me and blood lost.ben-ni!angmoh.guys making small talk.thomas's grand arrival.our great chef for the night, bear2.more small talks.hello baby!yesshhh..the food:)ping2 and i!act cute boys.we were busy BBQing!tassie tas! don't show off your backside!adrian forever trying to be funny.rigth..so everyone was helping out.......to eat.err..hungry ghost festival ended already so chill out people!all these people keep stealing food only.jason!ian and me!happy family :)






yet another gathering. bbq style at ECP. sebby's going into army on thursday. i hope he takes care.

music: ina: i wanted you

hello you, it was about 2 years ago when i was 17 still that i met you and thought that my world would be perfect so long as i stucked by the rules and played the game right. it was merely a short time together but it meant so god damn much. i knew i saw a future. i knew that you were what i wanted. i could see so much more than just puppy love that would fade.

so hello you, when you had too much to drink after the office party and i lay you down to sleep on the couch, you told me angrily to fuck off and go away. of course i was pissed and upset but i stayed by you and i hope you remembered that night still. and then there was the other night when i was being so petty and angry with you and i simply refused to listen to you. you had chased me back and wanted me to stay. at that moment, i could feel it that you were something so much more than the others i had.

goodbye to you, now i say. for so long you had lingered in me. i never knew i was never over you. deception. i told myself all the time that i didn't love you anymore. for that had happened, it tore me apart. i can't recall exactly what happened now but i know that day, i cried like hell while constantly calling you. i can still remember that day i had done my very first rescue and had requested to leave work early just to cab down to look for you. i couldn't take it, not at all.

away the memories shall now be. when i came over after school and played with the baby, nicholas. i had tried to let him watch spongebob on my laptop but scared him till he cried. thank you for those happy times. you were and will always be that friend; southpark.


xoxo

music: The red jumpsuit apparatus: face down

in life, people make choices. sometimes, it'f for the worst and at times, good things blossom out of nothing at all. it's all part and parcel of growing up. i guess, that's what makes life interesting and worth living...don't you think?

i've made many differeny choices in my life. some without thinking and some with much hesitation. whatever i think that might be best for me, might usually just be the opposite. it's like tossing a coin, very unpredictable but it's all about taking risks.

so now, at 19, i've found a group of great friends of different age, gender and definitely character, i'm pretty sure i won't be letting go for a long while :) to my best girl friend of 11 years and counting, (you know who you are) it sure is pathetic that it's just the both of us left from primary school but what the heck! it's more than i can ask for. and then there's the poly mates. the different groups from the team to the classmates, these people made me realise how much i don't have to fake the way i am because they'd love me for me the way i am anytime and anywhere. lastly, the workmates! the awesomeness that i get every weekend cannot be compared to anything i learn in school. it's pretty much having too many brothers and a few sisters, but it's the same at the at of the day.

19 years of my life and the choices i've made has gotten me to where i am today. i'm a happy child. i have lovely friends by me and another who loves me more than i can imagine. for that, it keeps me going all the time.





sebby crab, now tht you're going to NS, it pains me so. no more crab meat during the weekends. how sad can that be :(

wed, 25th sept 08

mama mia, here i go again
my, my how can i resist ya

mama mia, does it show again
my, my just how much i missed ya

yes, i've been brokenhearted
ohh, since the day we parted
why, why, did i ever let you go

mama mia, now i really know
my, my, i should have never let you go



now that the lifesaving season is pretty much over, i'd say that my performance was alright but as usualy, could have been a whole lot better. but least for once, i dare say that this time around, i enterted the competition with a better mental state of mind. anyways, two weeks of break has made me gained weight and caused me to feel super uber unfit. now and then, i like to think that it's all a stupid illusion and that i'll wake up to have a hot bod like jessica alba and be a champion athlete. okok...as i was saying, i'd like to dream. haha! yea...so now that rp biathlon's coming up on friday, i feel so screwed cos' i'm serious outta shape. nevertheless, i wanna and will bounce back into shape again :)

wednesday. we didn't have to meet in school for fyp today. right, so we were all supposingly to be working on our report already but i've been lazy and admit, i haven't started. all that diving during the weekend hasn't exactly gotten outta be yet. geezz...

blooping; diving at tioman during the weekends was a short getaway and it sure did me good as usual. though i got bitten all over by moquitoes, got scratched by a bloodly cat when i was trying to 'manja' it and fell on corals and got scratched till i bled because the woman in front of me was so darn slow and not confident at all when we were cave diving, everything was fun. i bought meself a new log book and happily helped myself to my instructor's stamps in which i placed all over my log pages and insisted that he signed them all for me. i am so going back for more blooping around again and go on a bikini high. i swear, go diving is like being legally allowed to parade around in your bikini and no one would care if you were fat and ugly. it's like a bloodly norm and you would be having so god damn much fun that you wouldn't have time to be self concious about your fats hanging all out. haha. really.

anyways, i met the best friend for 'mama mia' just now. it was awesome like the rest of the musicals that i've watched. i love musicals so who am i to judge huh?




xoxo JIN

music: secondhand serenade: fall for you

now, i don't wanna talk about how the competition went or about the day's happenings.
******

how do you, a simple human being of capabilities up to only a certain level, know if 'the one' is really the one? no, this wasn't something that had been taught in school nor is it something that one can google up a solution and find the specific correct answer. so now then, how do i know if you, are 'the one'?

mom said not to marry one who smokes, drinks or gambles. isn't that what every mother says? mom says i have to find one who has qualities similar to a housewife cos' i can't cook nor clean. but isn't that what guys want in their wife? one who cooks and cleans? so now then, how is another suppose to fall for one like me?

i've been in a fair share of relationships and it has become a game of nothing but pain, plain sheer hurt that leaves me demoralised and feeling so scared. each time i get into a game, i play hard and give my all. the truth is, it is never enough. yes, i have my many flaws but no one is perfect. i am young and i am still learning. how long, i won't know but least i know i am trying. but then one gets tired and one just wants to play for awhile and bask in sweet nothings.

so i listen to sad songs and love songs. so i like to lay in bed, getting lost in such songs that would create stories for me. in these stories, i would always be the lead actress and the world revolves around me. pathetic enough, these songs gets me going. i become hopeful all over again.

it's been awhile but why do memories of you keep coming back? no doubt, i love you still but you and i have moved on. i guess the love has change to a different kind, one in which i can't seem to explain. certain nights i wish i was still beside you in bed, feeling your arms around me and that familar smell of you. certain days i wish i was still lazing aound your house, renting dvds and watching them while lying on your lap and pigging out. and there are the times where i get angry for no reason and no warning about how it wasn't fair how we ended cos' we went through so much and i was the one who painted those pretty walls of yours with you. it's childish thoughts i know and it wouldn't be fair to still be thinking this way now, not when you have another and i too. but baby you made me felt so genuinely loved. everywhere seems to me, has a picture perfect moment with you. goodbye baby.

music: nicole richie: dandelion / britney spears: someday i will understand

in a few hours, it would be the heats for open water championships 2008. i'm starting to get the jitters. my aim would simply be to get into the finals. imma cross my fingers and pray real hard. when i wake tomorrow, i must have the will power to stay strong, physically and mentally. i want to and i will cos' i've waited so long for this day to come.




yesterday, i saw this couple which reminded me so much of her. days when we were together and i had thoughts of growing old with you. no doubt, i get the occasional pangs of i miss you and waves of sadness gush through me but oh well..what can i do now. move on already cos' you have.
i wish i could blow you away like a dandelion. away with all my worries and troubles. away with unhappiness in me. i wanna be truly happy and have someone hold me like no other for a long time. i don't wanna be broken time after time. i trusted and i still wish i could.