i heart you.

sugar sugar how'd you get so fly?

baby there's just something about you :)

i can see us holding hands, walking on the beach, our toes in the sand.

my <3

If I wrote you a symphony,
Just to say how much you mean to me (what would you do?)
If I told you you were beautiful
Would you date me on the regular (tell me, would you?)
Well, baby I've been around the world
But I ain't seen myself another girl (like you)
This ring here represents my heart
But there's just one thing I need from you (say "I do")


Yeah, because
I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand
I can see us on the countryside
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side
You could be my baby, let me make you my lady
Girl, you amaze me
Ain't gotta do nothing crazy
See, all I want you to do is be my love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love


Now, if I wrote you a love note
And made you smile with every word I wrote (what would you do?)
Would that make you want to change your scene
And wanna be the one on my team (tell me, would you?)
See, what's the point of waiting anymore?
Cause girl I've never been more sure (that baby, it's you)
This ring here represents my heart
And everything that you've been waiting for (just say "I do")


Yeah, because
I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand
I can see us on the countryside
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side
You could be my baby, let me make you my lady
Girl, you amaze me
Ain't gotta do nothing crazy
See, all I want you to do is be my love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love

Shorty, cool as a fan
On the new once again
But, still has fan from Peru to Japan
Listen baby, I don't wanna ruin your plan
If you got a man, try to lose him if you can
Cause the girls world wild through their hands up high
When they wanna come kick it wit a stand up guy
(Trust me) You don't really wanna let the chance go by
'cause you ain't been seen wit a man so fly
Baby friends so fly i can go fly
Private, cause I handle mine
T.I. they call me candle guy, simply because I am on fire
I hate to have to cancel my vacation so you can't deny
I'm patient, but I ain't gonna try
You don't come, I ain't gonna die
Hold up, what you mean, you can't go why?
Me and you boyfriend we ain't no tie
You say you wanna kick it when I ain't so high
Well, baby it's obvious that I ain't your guy
Ain't gon' lie, I feel your space
But forget your face, I swear I will
St. Barths, same bullet, anywhere I chill
Just bring wit me a pair, I will


Yeah, because
I can see us holding hands
Walking on the beach, our toes in the sand
I can see us on the countryside
Sitting on the grass, laying side by side
You could be my baby, let me make you my lady
Girl, you amaze me
Ain't gotta do nothing crazy
See, all I want you to do is be my love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) My love
(So don't give away) Ain't another woman that can take your spot, my love

and again.

i once said i wont let myself get hurt again.
oh well...i lied to myself.

here i am, putting so much into this already oh so fragile relationship and apparently, nothing seems to be working.
i guess im mad at myself for falling too deep.
you were once the sweet guy i so adored.
now you are the guy who constantly says he dont have time for me.
i get it, but cant you even treasure the times we have together?

im confuse.
i love you so but im getting so weak.
i simply have not a clue on what else to do but to cry.

i want so badly to get out of this misery.

and sam and darul said...

had science module in the library today.
first time i've had a class held outside of my classroom.
anyway, it was way more fun.
considering the cafe was just like a hundred steps away from where my class was sitting, you could imagine us walking up and down to get food and drinks like all the time.
anyway, we did biology today.
some genetic thingie which took me forever to understand.
my super sissy teacher was more of a burden than help.
he was blabbing away about having more self directed learning and class interaction.
the fact was that my class were all nice enough to try and pacify him by trying to live up to his never ending list of expectations just to get a freaking decent good grade.
but guess what, there he was, preaching about how we should be independent learners when he was in fact, the one going around lecturing us about what to do and what not to do.
ggeee....so much for trying so hard when you have one faci who is so narrow minded and simply love to cut into your speeches and disscussions.



so much for him.
so i was sitting down at my lappy in the library with my dear sam and darul while doing our rj.
while whining about the rj question (or rather it was just me), we had this conversation going on about getting high on alcohol.

sam says
"it's a damn shiok feeling, simply great"
"don't drink it fast and kill yourself"
"take your time to enjoy and blabber nonsense with your buddy"
"just go to bed when you can't take it any more"
"never have your cell phone anywhere near you when you are high"

and darul and i look on at sam.
and then we drifted on to hmmm...punishing girls by having sex??
apparently, sam was amazed by that idea.

sam says
"i like the way you put it"

darul and i simply laugh on.




sam thinks im violent.
shheessh...
so i said he should keep like what two feet away form each other but yea yea we never accomplished it.
haha.
can i help the way i am?

why'd you make me sad again.

sweet, you know how much i adore you.
i fell in love with a boy i once never noticed.
i cant bear to not see you even for a day.
i hate when you work away and dont have time for me.
my mind drifts babe.
i'm afraid to think too much.
not to mention that i get lonely and do weird stuff.
i dont wanna get use to this though.

had fun with baby :)

clubbing at DXO till 4 in the mornin'.
baby's friends.
his brother.
twang and misso.
dancing in the already jam packed crap space.
shhessh...
kinda like too little space, too much sweat and too little alocohol.

met geraldine there too.
it's kinda been like 'zillion' years since i last saw her.
kinda unexpected.
never really thought she would club.
teehee.
oh well...

let's dance the night away again babe :)

i hate you so.

"no matter what, my family is more important."



i was right to think of how much i meant to you.
you've changed within a month.
god is playing me.
i thought i found someone who loved me wholeheartly.
mistake after mistakes.
im so tired.

fuck love.

my boyfriend.

baby says i dont blog about him.
naahh...
see see, im blogging about you now.
teehee! xp

love love muchies <3

suddenly i see.

i bought a shuffle finally.
after losing my mini and nano, i decided to not waste mommy and daddy's cash and just buy my own shuffle.
it cost me $118.
so if it gets stole yet again, i wouldn't feel so heartbroken.
lol.

i've got a new hobby.
jogging with mermaid and trying hard in perfecting my freestyle strokes.
i wanna loose weight.

i've got new classmates.
they are rather fine.
my facilitator suck big time though.
confused and dumb in mny opinion.


i've been watching 'the devil wears prada' over and over again.
apparently, i ain't getting sick of it.

will i grow up to wear heels, chanel, prada and be a size four?
will i be beautiful?
will i be one of those slim girls who walk the runway and wear pretty little dresses?


it's one of those days when girl power kicks in and decides to settle down for awhile.
one of those days where a girl just feels confident and decides to let her hair down and have fun.
ohh yea...


i feel like getting high today.
i feel like having a drink or two.



suddenly i see - KT Tunstall
her face is a map of the world, is a map of the world.
you can see she's a beautiful girl, she's a beautiful girl.
and everything around her is a silver pool of light.
people who's around her feel the benefit of it.
it makes you count.
she'll hold you captivated in a path.

suddenly i see.
this is what i wanna be.
suddenly i see.
why the hell it means so much to me.
suddenly is see.
this is what i wanna be.
suddenly i see.
why the hell it means so much to me.

sixpence none the richer, kiss me

Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift up your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Kiss me down by the broken tree house
Swing me upon it's hanging tire
Bring, bring, bring your flowered hat
We'll take the trail marked on your father's map







"yea, and maybe, i've missed you too."

oh, bring to somewhere where the grass is green and the flowers are bright and pretty. where there's only me and you with the stars above us and the breeze in our hair. where there are no worries and i can cuddle up to you and smile with ease. maybe i'll dance. maybe i'll think that i am the luckiest girl because i have you sweets. oh, do kiss me again.

23rd of august, wednesday.

the last day of school for semester one.
the last day where W26G will be together.
the last day for teasing people like iLi, Phabhu, etc.
the last day where we can gossip about the same few people in class.

i love you all wallies.

i can't imagine life without you sweeties.

to all my wallies :)

i'm going to penang tonight.

lifesaving competition.

again.

take care while i'm gone.

bleah.

if anyone reads this.

teehee.

ciao!

thought.

i ain't missing you.
someone came along.

teehee :)

butterflies in my tummy.

tomorrow, open water championships.

i should be sleeping.
i really should.

i've got butterflies in my tummy.
i want that medal so badly.
i want to laugh at my RP coach so badly.
i want all my hardwork to be paid off.
i want the people around me to appreciate and be proud of me.
i want you.

tell me something i want to hear.
or maybe let me cry all my sorrows away.

let me do well.
let me win.

i once had someone to hold but i let it all slip away.
now, i am holding on to all that i have gained.

ciao people.

tomorrow, a day of competition.

thoughts, random.

how come everytime you come around,
my london london bridge wanna go down?

you ain't gonna have a shot with me no more.

on this day...

met up with jesse and jinyi.

he droved.

i met him first at j8.

we then picked jesse up and went to serangoon gardens for dinner.

ended up eating cafe cartel.

hmm...

it's been sometime eh.

i miss you so.

tsk tsk.

or maybe i miss your mommy's car.

i'm always in the front seat, never the back!

thanks mate for the erm...tampon casing from erm...america.

lol.





the last day i was seeing my cognitive facilitator.
she's gonna have to go bring her lovely baby girl into the world.
oh yea...that reminds me, ms serene's baby is so adorable!
princess ella as she is known to us is the sweetest thing.
pretty pretty pretty...

i like freking cried twice today.
sshheesshhh...
one was about mommy and i.
i don't wanna talk about it though.
i'm so sick.
then there was the bad news from uncle quek that two of my individual events (canoe and surfing race) had been cancelled because there could only be one person from one team in an event.
dammit.
i was so sad and was crying buckets!
my whole class knew what was wrong and Melvin, (the guy next class) was so sweet as to offered a listening ear.
gee..thanks mate!
anyway, screw SLSS.

"unpretty"

unpretty is when you see Jin quiet.
it's when you see her keep to herself.
it's when you see her straing into space.
it's when you see her smile and it all looks fake.
it's when she keeps talking about how upset she feels.
it's when she tells you how she will get over it.
unpretty is what she feels now and maybe for the other days to come.

quit speaking.

human minds work in a complicated manner.
dang.

have i been fooled?
or maybe it was for real.
like when it was last september.

he whom i once so adored.
he whom we had so much plans together.
ggeee...

will i feel like that again?
kim says "duhh!!! what?? you wanna be a nun???!!!"
tsk tsk.
that girl never fails to make me laugh.

and i never thought i would be sitting down lost in my own train of stupid relationships thoughts again.
this guy has got me.
sshheesshh...somebody get me outta here.

teehee.
and then i told kim, "i'm so tired of all this loving."

thoughts during math module

math class.
back to visual basics.
ssheesshh....
boohoo...

seven eleven's milo is yummy.
keeps me awake all the time.
haha.

listening to the radio.
breakout one.

reflecting on my used to be happier days.

mommy and daddy are breaking apart.
i aint sure if they love me and my brother.

oh, bro's outta the country.
USA.

i'm screwed.

mermaid's innocent.
her puppy eyes tells me she's confuse.
don't worry baby.
moomy's gonna love you a lifetime.

it's like a bomb ticking away.

i'm speechless and clueless.

i feel stupid.

i feel eager to soar and you are pulling me down.

gee...you were like anyone of them.

dedicated to you.

and i thought you were different.

why'd you have to make me feel unpretty?

don't go chasing waterfalls.

uniquely me.

or so i think.

not to others.

but just me.



i guess i've become so dumb after being in a long relationship.
i can't seem to see right from wrong anymore.
i've been naive and it's killing.

what do i want and what do i need?
i let a good boy go.
there is no turing back.

is it so hard to be in love?
yet it is easy to get cheated.

i might as well take a turn and back out of all this.
just do what i do best, drama.
smile for you all.

i'm happy, if you believe it.

don't tell me something you don't mean.

my image is ruin.
it has been for awhile and still is.
everyone wants only one thing outta me.

i don't wanna do this anymore.

good night and i'll be praying i don't crumble.

square face.

science class.
boring.
it's dragging on and on and on.
i'm pissed at my square headed teacher and it isn't getting any better!
she gave me a 'C' grade last week, claiming to the class that there have been complains that she has been given high grades.
yea right.
science is bad.
it makes me sleepy and it makes me mad.
i wanna be on the sunny island of sentosa.
i dont wanna be stuck in this big white and air conditioned school.
sigh!
get me outta here!!!
great...it's my team's turn to present.
see ya all peeps tonight.

ohh...look what i was doing during break.
childhood biscuits.
lol.
yea...lion lion..see...

NUS invitational competition 2006.

it was a blast even though there were no medals won. we had loads of fun cheering and screaming our lungs. we had all pushed ourselves to the maximum and by the end of the day everyone was shagged out.

last NUS training for the year?

ok. yesterday has got to be the worst training ever. i couldn't do anything right. sigh, it's days like this that really get me real down and crying on my knees. i tried and i tried and i tired. it hurts, my muscles ached, my fingers were burning and my legs were giving way. but i didn't wanna stop. i was nernous and i knew it. i was scare and i was hoping some magic would happen and i would be enlighten.

for the days to come, i'm gonna be praying.

let me have faith in myself.

fear creeping in.

i'm freaking. it's like only four days to nus invitational's competition and i'm really freaking. i'm afraid of losing. yikes! god, save me. have i slackened? sigh! i really hope not. anyway, i'll be pushing myself. i'll be bringing out the best in me. for my team and for myself. haha. oh yea. it's sad and strange to now be competing with people i once trained with. sigh once again. why is it this way? hmm...people from stingray, gosh, you dont know how much i miss you guys. i'm always busy. sometimes i question myself, when will i see you people again? will u look at me the same way you guys once did? perhaps things and people change. either way, i still love you peole the same way i always did.

i think all that's on my mine now is the competition. train train and more trainings. please let me have confidence in myself. please dont let my efforts go to waste. i wanna win and i wanna do well. is it too much that i am asking for?

hangin' on to all that i have to offer.

july 15

*republic polytechnic's over the wall production at the esplanade
*nus invitation at (erm...duhh) nus

august 6

*national lifesaving open waters championships at sentosa

august 27

*national lifesaving still waters competition




i've been busy. really busy. it's worst than being a dumb bee. my daily routine is waking up at 6am everyday from mondays to fridays and ending school at 4pm. oh no, my day doesn't end there. IGs are what takes up the rest of my time everyday after school. sigh! no social life, no personal space, no time for my mermaid and no time to cry over love. haha. yea ok, maybe i'm loving this busy lifestyle now, but then again, maybe i ain't lovin' it. if i ain't at lifesaving trainings, then you would find me at drama rehearsals.

i'm tired but still very determined. I want to achieve something. I want to be sastified with myself. I want each stroke and each pull to be perfect, I want each move and pitch in my voice to be flawless. So here I am, probably tiring myself out more than i think i would be able to take it.

maybe something's bugging me real bad. maybe i don't know what, therefore, i'm making myself so busy to avoid it.

how far am i to loving you, sweet?
or rather how far are you to loving me?

come home baby.

dad lost mermaid last night.
omg.
i was freaking shock
he said she ran out of the lift suddenly when the doors were closing.

i've been wondering why did she run away?
i mean ive let her off the lesh before.
ive also gotten so pissed with her that i left her downstairs and went back upstairs.
she never ran away...until now.
sigh.
ive been searching for my baby.

mermaid means the world to me.
maybe i love her more than my family.
sig.
i dont know
she's still a puppy and it was raining last night.
gosh!
come home sweetie.
mommy's getting really worried.
i need to hug and kiss you.

curling up to die.

singlehood gives you freedom of all sorts.
but when you want a steady someone to hold you and be there just for you to wipe your tears away and to kiss you and shower you with love, you just lack it.
i wish that someone will walk by again.
as much as i want to remain single at the moment, i still wish that i have someone by me to tell me he loves me.
im screwed and i know it.
my thoughts are a mess.
come my way, i can wait.

ive flooded mysel with all sorts of activities. im pack everyday. ive tire myself to the extend that the flu bug has gotten me.

heaven knows what will come next.

here i am in class on a tuesday morning at 1039am and my enterprise teacher is talking about the world cup.
haha.
that's like the "in" thing now yea? x)
i had liked mr prem, and now i think im lovin' him.
haha.
as in his classes are fun and lively.
*grins.
update later.
class started.

yours truly,

maybe people only see one side of me.
maybe people wouldnt wanna see the other side of me.
i write blog entries, but do people really read and understand them?
i doubt so.
so why do i bother?
i wonder......

so you had a bad day...

school's starting once again tomorrow.
what could be worst, i wonder...


"i promise you, from the bottom of my heart, i will love you till death do us part.
i promise you, as a lover and a friend, i will love you like i never love again with everything i am."


please come my way soon, my mind's a mess and my gazes are all wrong.


i fought with my family again. im beginning to wonder where was the love and warmth i once felt gone to in this family. my bother hates me as much as i hate him now. i cant believe he can threaten to tell everyone what he knows about me. what's wrong with him. think about it when one is mad, one shouts and can get violent. it's normal right? it isnt like he is oh so perfect too. he goes weird and insane when he's made. like he's some perfectionist. i cant believe how much a person can change when they are mad. there he goes bitching about me again...i hate this family...or so i think...


ive discovered the more emotional side of me today. i need someone to be there for me again. i dont wanna cry through this alone no more. sigh.

cos' these days, the sun kick sand...

so i fell asleep twice today during class. i nearly screwed up my presentation too. what made my day was drama after school. my best buddies, the "die hard rocker fans", BJ, Sean, Nicole, Phrabhu and David put a smile on my face and that really lightened my already crappy mood.

at times, i feel that i have everything going my way at this very point in my life, but then i look back and realise how i have been such a failure in my relationship.

my baby boy and i have long drifted. so what makes us now? i dont know. status single, i suppose. i want my prince to come my way soon. im happy and all, but something is lacking and i want to feel all sugary and sweet one again.

oh gosh, do i sound desperate now? haha/ i hope not. oh well, off to do my work.

mixed thoughts.

it's seens like a billion years since i last blogged.
pure madness.

at this point in time, my status is single.
baby's outta my life or so i think.
what went wrong?
i wonder.
we simply drifted and never got back.
i'm tired of trying for it feels like i'm the only one making an effort.

school's been a blast.
thankfully.
new friends and a an improved lifestyle.
hot chicks and hunks.
whackiness and dirty fun.
what more should I expect?

ernest did the sweetest thing for me since school started. To apologise for what he had done (details shall not be revealed)he requested for a song to be dedicated to me by a live band at fish and company (glass house). i would have jumped up and hugged him, by oh well, i beared in mind that i had classmates who would thought of that as "too open". bleah!

goodness, BJ's the lastest obession. haha. i mean, he's just this really bubbly and nonsense guy who speaks about anything under the sky. what more, he's in drama. huggies BJ!

talk about people seeing right through you. Ithought grayson was the only one who could do that to me. guess what. davio can too. shucks! haha. it's scary yet interestingly exciting for some reasons. i wanna work with grayson or davio again soon!

and so it's 1:14 AM in the morning and my back is killin' me. alright i shall turn in now. ciao readers! (if anyone actually read my nonsense)

my best girl friend.

fourth of april, 1989.

happy birthday to me.
happy brthday to me.
happy birthday to Jin......
happy birthday to me!

on this day, i turn seventeen.

what made my day?
jinyi drove all the way to my house and surprise me with a candle lit big slice of oreo cheesecake he baked for me!

we are family :))

sentosa's beach patrol lifeguards!
sun, sand and sea anytime.

it's your day.

happy birthday to you.
i wish for all the good things to happen to you.

the pain is back to haunt me.
stop leading me on when u want out.
it hurts and i wanna cry everytime.
my efforts gone down the drain.
my tears shed were wasted.
i guess i'll grit my teeth and wait.
i'll be ever so good to wait.
i'll be nice.
for all i want is you.
tell me you feel the same way too.
please?

groovin' to the beat.

i've realised how much i've missed you, KIM!
:))
gosh, yesterday was pure ladies night out.
lol.
sadly, mtv's fashionably loud was quite a disappointment.
bitch!!! x)
haha.


i'm off work today. phew!
i'm happy again i guess.
i feel lifted and light.
dancing on tiptoes again :)
over the holidays, many things has changed.
at the end of the day, i guess i'm grateful for all that's happened.
i've seen more of the real world.
i've learnt to take care and love myself more.
i've learnt to treasure my friends more.

crumbled and torn.

had a fight with my dad.
the hatred is still there.
it always will be.
no matter how much i try to earse it, it will be there, like an ugly scar.
you cheated, you pay the price.


this family has no more warmth.
this family is tearing apart.
i'm lost and hurt.


im at the lowest of my low.
for the first time in my life i cant even confine in my bestest friend.
where are you now i wonder and what have you found?
where was your heart when i wasnt around?
you have changed within a few days.
ive lost you and i now know the feeling of pain and rejection.
i thought that it would be a happy ending but now i prove myself so wrong.
night after night tears roll down my face.
did you ever know how i felt?
do you know how much you were missed and thought of?


i feel so lack of love.

under the sea.

all my bags are packed i'm ready to go.
i'm standing here outside your door.
i hate to wake you up to say goodbye.

but the dawn is breaking, it's early morning.
the taxi's waiting it's blowing it's horn.
i'm ready, i'm so lonesome i could die.

so kiss me and smile for me.
tell me that you'll wait for me.
hold me like you'll never let me go.

cos' i'm leaving on a jet plane.
don't know when i'll be back again.
oh babe, i hate to go.

there's so many times i let you down.
so many times i played around.
but to tell you now, they don't mean a thing.

every place i go i think of you.
every song i sing, i sing for you.
when i come back i'll wear your wedding ring.

now the time has come to leave you.
one more time oh let me kiss you.
close your eyes and i'll be on my way.

dream about the days to come, when i won't have to leave alone.
about the times i won't ahve to say...

oh kiss me and smile for me.
tell me that you'll wait for me.
hold me like you'll never let me go.

cos' i'm leaving on a jet plane.
don't know when i'll be back again.
oh babe, i hate to go.






i'm going scuba diving finally!
but i feel reluctant to leave.
sigh.
i'll be missing my baby.

voice within.

have you seen the tears that i've cried?
the sadness in my eyes and the distant look i give?

have you seen the child within?
the shouts and genuine laughter?

have u seen the emotions i show?
my body language and my voice?





do you know me?

i'm the one who wears masks.

i'm the one who may be the rose with torns.
the one which may wither and turn dry.

i'm the one who is a time bomb waiting to explode.

sugar we're going down.

life's a stage and we are all merely just players.

at this point in time. i feel like i'm so stuck in the game. i've been blessed, but maybe then again, not. i feel like i've turned numb. i just wanna let loose and get high for a night. maybe i'm drowning in my own misery unknowingly. maybe i'm lost or maybe i'm lack of real love.

as days pass, i'm praying and hoping and doing good deeds just so i get a damn phone call from temasek polytechic. i want the course so badly! like, i'm desperate!

anyway, i ain't working today. i'm tired out, but i'm digging the beach lifestyle.

i don't wanna hold back any longer. look me in the eye and i'll scream right back at you.

love.

complicated.
women are trouble. men are trouble seekers.
i yearn to be single each day.
guys have made my life tangled and confused.
i seem to have lost that simple independence in me.
that control and grip i used to have in me.
whatever happened?
guys.
sometimes i wish could close my eyes and the answers would just unfold in front of me.
may anyone of you have faith in me.
i didnt mean for things to be like this.

let's talk about grace.

with platform shoes that high, they blance and walk in it with such perfect poise.
with silk that soft and thick, they wear it with such respect and grace.
with make up so fine and thick, they never leak out any secrets of their life.
with hair so black and neat, it never gets our of place.
with such skill and beauty, they turn heads and capture attention.
with a single stroke of a hand, they portray such elegance.
agile and slender.
poise and grace.
class and perfection.
memoirs of a geisha.
they really do prove themselves worthy.

do you remember.

have you ever wondered why i gave three wishes to you.
you asked the question but the answer lie in you.



dear no one in particular,
ever felt lost and miserable? like you fell into a big drain and couldnt get up? you are stuck, feeling cold and alone. i feel like i am in that particular situation. i feel cold when it's warm and i shiver because of nothing. sigh. i wish i'll get out of this whole sticky situation really soon. i need a hand to pull me up. and for once, i wish and pray that amanda will help me up. i love that girl. somehow, in tough times like this, she always seem like the right person to turn to. babe, get me out of this black hole. lead me on the right path once again.

never ever ever ever ever felt so low when you are gonna take me out of this black hole.
never ever ever ever ever felt so sad the way i'm feeling you got me feeling really bad.
the way i'm feeling just dont feel right.

friday night. no smile is plastered on my face. where's the cheery little girl in me? i need help. desperately. my mind is in a mess. i need a shoulder to cry on. i need a friend, a hug and a soothing song.

today, i just wanna be alone. cry my eyes out and pity myself. today, i wanna pick myself up on my own. tomorrow would be a different story.

slip.

opportunities come and go.
ive let many slip by me.
i shall not let that happen no more.
now, when i see an open pathway before me, i shall grab that chance.
im growing up and time is flying be me.
i want to live my teenage years to the fullest.
as much as i hate to grow up, i know no amount of praying and wishing will help.
slip by me no more.
i'll be there.

confession of a teenage drama queen.

somewhere i belong.
clueless and torn.
i'm beginning to realize that maybe i dont know myself well.
what do i really want out of me?
puzzling thoughts.
night after night i think of my past and the present.
who am i?
it seems many people i meet have only seen one side of me.
many a times i wish i could just yell out to the world that i exist and simply let loose.
but then it would hit me that this is reality.
i cant continue to live in my fairytale.
i have to get back down and realize that maybe somethings just cant go my way.
as much as i wish and hope that i can let some people understand how i feel and want, i know it may just not be possible.
but then again, if i do not try, they will never know.
anyways, i'm getting use to life without going to school for the time being.
oh well, ive heard ms nora has left school. gosh i'll be missing her.
ive started working as a lifeguard at sentosa.
really fun.
i'm learning and communicating.
im begining to go out of that protected zone ive lived in for the past sixteen years of my life.
new things come into sight and new thoughts and changes occur.
i hope i'll still stay true to myself.
i am thankful though that i have friends to remind me of where i stand.
friends that give me constant reminder to stay focus and reject unwanted bad influences.
ive learnt to accept and love people the way they are.
everyone has a dirty little secret in them.
i can take that. haha.
i love my life and im determined to find out why jiawei is tired of living. heh.


ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE AND ALL MEN AND WOMEN MERELY PLAYERS.

1st of january 2006.

had lunch with my parents and my cousin, kevin, at some japanese resturant.
kevin's speaks with an accent :)
he's flying back to australia tomorrow night.
i'm gonna miss him.
time really flies.
it always seem like it was just yesterday that we were little and chasing each other around.
now we have drifted. i'm sixteen while he's twenty-seven. big age gap. that probably figures why.

had dinner at hyatt, straits kitchen, buffet.
mommy bought me an expensive gift, a two hundred dollar guess leather bag. it's making me feel really guilty.

we fought again today.
it seems like everything is going wrong nowadays.
i dont even know what i've done wrong.
depression is creeping in.


where'd you go?
i've missed you so.
seems like it's been forever that you've been gone.
please come back home.

aint i sweet.

christmas.

make merry and be jolly. have yourself a merry little christmas.

two days before christmas i decided it was time for a new colour change for my nails.
i figured since it was suppose to be a joyous occasion, why not paint it bright pink.
and so i did.
on christmas eve i decided my nails were too plain.
i thought christmas was special, why not put nail art on my nails.
and so i pasted colourful flowers on my nails.
and now i think it's pretty enough :))

christmas day, finally.
i met my honey at noon and we spent a couple of hours together at junction eight just like we did last year on christmas eve.
we have been rather broke lately, so i figured we wouldnt be exchanging any presents this christmas.
but anyways, i did give him a little gift.
i made a handphone keychain for each of us. it spelt our names and mine was red and his was blue with a little bell car at the bottom. i made a powerpoint slide for him too, which was burnt onto an angel cd.


and at night, i watched princess diary on television while having a western home cooked meal by my dad with my family.
i drank a little sakae and topped the sumptous dinner off with a tiny japanese dessert and a thin slice of ice cream log cake.
perfect ending.


so what exactly does christmas means?
i think it is the season to give and share graciously.


i simply love christmas.
it really would be wonerful if it snowed and we could all build snowmans and make angels in the snow.
it would be romantic to cuddle up in front of the fire place with my darling and sip hot chocolate.
i would want to have a gorgeous tree with the brightest star at the top and lovely presents at the bottom.
it would be a dream come true.

merry christmas.

here's to world peace.

especially dedicated to KIMBERLY =D

sun.sea.sand.

OUTING WITH APANDA WAS SIMPLY INSANE.
AND KIM, I TRIED THE "MUA JI" THING ON HER!
WAHAHAHA!

creating my new self.

so i ditched my job at wild wild wet. i was so close to getting it, but i thought fun was much better. you see it was suppose to be a three day course. i went for the course on the first day ( tuesday, 6/12/2005 ) and decided that the training was so slack. if something were to happen ( touch wood ), i did think the victim would die. haa! the lifeguards there seem to be just for show. oh well, anyway, i still need a job. i am DESPERATE.

chalet was super fun. thank god i ditched the course and went for chalet instead. pity it was just a one night stay. sigh! no matter, i learnt a lot about my team mates. the bond we have has definetly strengthen. so i also realize that the sauces i have at home are all very western. haha. hmm. we prepared the food at my house. created a big mess and killed cockroaches. heh. yea. we cycled hard and played uno attack real hard. lol. we are really a bunch of big kids. grins. i think my coaches like the arena shirts we gave them. we played with the kids, mingled with the adults. it was a team gathering. PURE FUN =))

here's the good thing, i have grown a little darker! haha! oh and i went to walk baby's doggie today. he's a cutie. omg, you know what really freaked me out? ronnie, baby's doggie, went bersak and kept clinging onto my leg. i think it was horny? wahahahhahaha! i later went to his house and kinda got hook on playing his game. hid mom gave my home made kaya and i think i;m addicted to it. oh no. i'm suppose to be getting that athlete body! HEE =P

things i'll never say.

i'm tugging at my hair
i'm pulling at my clothes
i'm tryin' to keep my cool
i know it shows
i'm staring at my feet
my cheeks are turing red
i'm searching for the words inside my head
i'm feeling nervous
tryin' to be so perfect
cos' i know you're worth it

walking on tiptoes.

im feeling happy.
im grinning from ear to ear.
i finally met his parents.
they were nice.
we had home cooked western meal by his mom.
it was fabulous.
i love dessert best of all.
yummy =)).
i can see myself living with his mom and dad.
haha.
for once i wanna be in his kitchen and learning to bake from his mom.
i love them.
but i think i was too shy though.
yea, so unlike me.
i wanna marry you baby.
i wanna be part of your family.




WITH YOU I CAN LET MY HAIR DOWN.
I CAN DO ANYTHING, CRAZY.
I KNOW YOU'LL CATCH ME RIGHT BEFORE I HIT THE GROUND.
WITH NOTHING BUT A TSHIRT ON.
I NEVER FELT SO BEAUTIFUL.
BABY AS I DO NOW.
NOW THAT IM WITH YOU.